Page 81 of Escape Velocity
He can’t bear to see any hurt flash in Alex’s eyes. He knows he’ll just see himself be reflected back. All those years of Callum ignoring him and choosing football and his friends over him. He just knows that if he looks, he’ll just remember it all again and how painful it was.
And how painful itcanbe.
Alex rubs his cheek. “I figured something else was going on. I just—I don’t know. I have this thing about me that when I feel rejected that I just pretend whoever rejected medoesn’t exist. It reminds me that I don’t feel good enough… I don’t know.”
Alex sighs and shakes his head, putting his hand over his mouth and his gaze going somewhere else, thinking about something or likely someone else.
Mason wants to touch Alex’s hand, but that might make things worse. He doesn’t want to lead him on or to confuse him. He feels Alex’s words deep in the marrow of his bones, like they were etched into his skin when he was born.
Mason hates rejection, and he can’t bear to face it. And neither can Alex. Maybe they don’t know much about each other. But they both know that they hate feeling like they aren’t the first choice.
That’s where they can start anew.
“Alex, you are worth so much more than you realize.”
Alex turns with his hand still covering his mouth looking at Mason, his eyebrows knit together in concern, like he might cry.
“Being in college… it’s all about acceptance or rejection. I used to think it was high school, but no, it’s college. Figuring out what we want to do, who we like, if it’s meant for us. What we want to do for the rest of our lives. That’s the core of who we are. And take it from me, trust me, you’re going to be rejected, and it’s going to hurt like hell. But don’t avoid it. Run toward it instead. I know I still have to learn that.”
Mason puts his hand on his chest, like he’s spewing out endless words and that if he doesn’t put his hand on his chest, he won’t be able to stop. He doesn’t know where it’s coming from, but there’s something so vulnerable about the way Alex is being that makes Mason feel like he canfinally open up and not feel like he has to lie to anyone anymore.
Alex takes his hand off his mouth and smiles. He slowly gets up and puts his hands on the table, towering over Mason as he smiles.
“There’s a reason why you’re on the paper. There’s a reason why I liked you so much from how your words jump off the pages ofThe Goldberg. There’s a reason why you’re cooped up in here on a Saturday night instead of doing anything else. Maybe you’re meant to do this, or maybe not. But what I do know is that you shouldn’t hide, Mason. You have a platform and a way with words. Use them.”
Alex takes his hands off the table and walks out of the newsroom and back into the hallway, leaving Mason stunned in his wake.
A group of laughter echoes in the hallway, and he quickly looks over to see if they’re laughing at him as anxiety sears through his chest and radiates in his body, but they’re not looking or listening to him. They’re in their own little world.
Mason keeps his hand on his chest like he’s making an oath. A promise that Alex’s words will stick with him even if he stops writing forThe Goldbergand never pursues writing again.
He has to live his truth. Maybe it won’t be now, but he has to live it, eventually, and he needs to write about it instead of avoiding it.
25
MASON
He finishesa large chunk of his semester project and this week’s article in record time, with Alex’s words having emboldened him with a new passion that he didn’t ever have for writing.
He slams his laptop closed and stretches back in his chair, yawning as the exhaustion hits him. He looks at his watch.
It’s midnight, well past the time he should be awake, but it’s what he’s used to after the Armageddon that was midterms week.
His phone buzzes as he leans back in his stretch.
He grabs his phone and looks at it.
Callum
Are you free?
Mason smiles. It’s like they’re operating on the same wavelength.
Mason
That depends, are you trying to whisk me away somewhere new?
Callum
