Page 55 of Escape Velocity
He needs the space.
The more Callum is in his life, the more problems it causes.
The morefeelingsit causes.
Warm and fuzzy feelings that he wants to avoid at all costs, no matter how enticing they seem.
“He was wondering if you were covering any more of the games for the paper,” Jenna says, taking out a notebook and calculator from her backpack.
“I told you, I’m not anymore. They can find someone else to do football games for all I care,” Mason says, huffing impatiently.
“That’s what I told him. I said his best bet of reaching you was by carrier pigeon.”
Mason smirks. “So, you?”
“Shut up.”
They go silent for a few moments. Mason stares outside at the rain droplets falling down the glass window. A steam wand from the espresso machine makes the familiar hissing noise and a barista screams out someone’s chai latte.
Mason doesn’t know what he wants anymore. He wants peace, but he feels anything but that. Mason doesn’t really know what peace means, in all honesty. The closest thing he feels to peace was when he was stuck on a physics problem for hours.
When it makes the outside world disappear and makes his mind quiet.
Callum brings chaos, but his absence also allows for “what ifs” and more questions that Mason hasn’t thought of before.
“He seems really intent on finding you. He looked… troubled. I haven’t seen him that way before. Usually, he’s all high and mighty. Untouchable. This time he seemed… distracted. Like he was knocked off his pedestal,” Jenna says, as Mason stares out the window.
“Well, that’s exactly what I did,” Mason answers, tearing his eyes off the water droplets and landing his gaze on Jenna’s.
“And you just want to let him lose his mind over you? What if he starts losing games because of you? You wouldn’t feel an ounce of guilt?” Jenna pushes.
“He needs to be knocked down a peg,” Mason says, covering his mouth with his hand as he rests his elbow on the table.
Jenna shakes her head.
“I never thought you would be one to hold a grudge like your life depends on it. Callum seems intent on ending it, but you keep holding onto it like if you let it go then you’d fall off a cliff or something.”
Mason grits his teeth, exhaling sharply through his nose.
“Of course, he wants to end this supposed ‘feud’ between us. He left me in the dust, and he let people shit talk me for years. Now that he’s on top of the world, the damage he left in his path is coming back to bite him in the ass. I think I’m entitled to be upset at him,” Mason says, hating how Jenna was never implicitly on his side when it came to all things Callum.
She missed the months of crying in his bedroom, spending his lunchtime alone in the library, refusing to eat at lunch because he didn’t want to eat alone in the cafeteria and the library wouldn’t allow food.
She came to be his friend after all the initial shock and loss and the anger had settled into his bones.
Jenna sighs. “I know. I wasn’t there when it all went down. I know I make it seem like I’m minimizing yourfeelings, but I really just want what’s best for you. You have every right to be angry, but the more you hang onto it, the more I see you suffer. And I don’t want to spend another minute watching you suffer, Mason.”
Jenna presses her lips together sympathetically and then opens her biomechanics textbook and puts her headphones on.
That was that. There’s nothing else that needs to be said, and she probably needs to study.
Mason lays back in his chair and looks up at the ceiling. Jenna is right. The more he holds on, the worse he feels. He’s spent so much time letting Callum rule all his decisions.
Mason deserves to enjoy his college experience without holding so much resentment. Jenna was right.
It is a grudge.
A grudge that has set up a home in his head and let itself fester into whatever he had said drunkenly the other night.
