Page 67 of Escape Velocity
Mason has never thought of that as an answer. All these years Mason made it personal, that he had been too much of a loser or that Callum could see the budding feelings Mason was having for him and wanted to cut it off before they could blossom into something more.
Callum blows out a long breath, fog billowing in the air. His eyes focus back on Mason. “But then… there was you. You were theonething that made it so hard, Mason.”
Tears sting behind Mason’s eyes and he hates it. That after all these years he still feels this way about Callum. That he doesn’t even hate him for one second. It’s all a way to avoid how he really feels about him.
“I never wanted to leave you behind… but that’s the only way I felt like I could get my out. I couldn’t have you and lose my dad at the same time. You were both tied together. It almost made sense in my head… that focusing on football would eventually lead me back to you but… it did the opposite. You hated me. And you hadeveryright to.”
Callum twists his mouth as he tries to cover his lip quivering and rubs his face again.
“Callum, I?—”
Callum shakes his head. “Mason, please. Just let me finish this.”
Mason closes his mouth and nodsand dips his head.
“I knew we were growing apart anyway… it didn’t happen overnight. You were getting busier with school and me with football… we started making new friends…”
Mason thinks Callum might be trying to imply that whatever happened was because of them growing apart, but he knew it wasn’t that. Mason hadn’t done anything to distance himself.
“But I knew I couldn’t just tell you how I was feeling. Not about this. I was a coward. I couldn’t—I couldn’t tell you howbadthings really were, especially after my mom?—”
There goes that thought in Mason’s head again. But he doesn’t want to say it. It would feel wrong.
“And that day in the cafeteria… I just knew I had to just cut and run. And I did the worst thing I’ve ever done. My dad’s voice was too loud in my head, Mason. It was screaming at me that those guys were going to make me succeed and that you were only going to keep me right where I was, in my dad’s grasp.”
Mason’s chest clenches at how honest Callum is being. It’s because he’s not trying to paint himself in a good light. It’s brutal. But hearing it from Callum himself hurts even more. To know that at that point, he really did choose his career over Mason. Hearing Callum utter these words is more hurtful than assuming that’s what happened.
Mason sniffles and turns around. He can’t even look at Callum.
His heart feels like it’s being ripped and shredded apart like a discarded valentine’s day card. Like all the ones he wrote to Callum but never sent.
Callum chose football over everything else. And that’s how it always will be.
“Mason… don’t?—”
“I can’t believe you said that,” Mason says in between shaky breaths. A tear falls onto one of the rocks beneath him.
“Mason, I—Please. Don’t cry. I can’t bear to see you cry.”
This only makes tears in his eyes well up even more.
“Stop telling me things that make me cry then, Callum.”
He feels a warm hand on his shoulder, and he’s abruptly spun around by Callum.
Callum’s eyes are soft and imploring. He holds Mason’s shoulders like he might escape if he lets go of him, but he’s locked in place, Callum stronger and more commanding than Mason could ever be.
“Mase, look at me.”
Mason sniffles and maintains his gaze on Callum’s.
“I regretted it as soon as it happened. As soon as my teammates said you were a dweeb for doing homework at lunch, I—I wanted to apologize. Every single day I wanted to undo it. I still do.”
Mason opens his mouth, but Callum cuts him off.
“No. It was not your fault. It was nothing about you. I adored you, Mason. And I still do.”
Mason’s heart aches. He bites his lip as he tries to avoid Callum’s eyes. He’s not sure where this is going to go or what’s going to happen next. Nothing has changed between them. Callum’s dad still breathes down his neck, and Mason’s parents still expect too much of him.
