Page 62 of The Redemption of Alex Cade
“One breath at a time. That's all any of us can do."
"What if I can't?"
"Then I'll breathe for both of us.” He pressed a kiss to my temple. "Until you remember how."
I closed my eyes as exhaustion claimed me.
Kelvin was gone. McNally had constructed a story that would hold. But the truth would always be there, buried beneath the layers of lies. The question would haunt me forever: accident or intent? I would never know. That was the sentence I would serve for life, living with the not knowing.
Pulling myself in closer to Kit, I felt his heart beat next to mine. Kit, solid and real, keeping me tethered when everything else threatened to slip away.
One breath at a time, he'd said.
Tonight, that would have to be enough.
EPILOGUE
SOME WEEKS LATER
ALEX
“How was it?” Kit asked, as soon as I walked through the door.
I said nothing as I went and stood by the glass wall, resting my head against its coolness as I looked out over the city. Somewhere along the line, unnoticed, we slipped out of one year and into the next.
Kit’s arms circled my waist and his body pressed close to mine. My hands found his and I held on tight as silent tears streamed down my face.
“It was…” My voice broke and, wiping the tears away, I turned to Kit. “It was everything Kel would have wanted. It was the best party he never went to.”
Kit had offered to come, but I’d said no. Fora reason I’d been neither able, nor had wanted, to fully work out, I’d needed to go alone.
Kelvin’s funeral had been a piece of theatre. The crematorium had been packed, standing room only. Our employees, mostly, but also some of our police and political contacts—at the back, standing apart—although the majority had sent their condolences beforehand, excusing their absence on the day. Business associates, too, those who operated in the same world Kelvin and I had. But not Aksoy, never Aksoy.
“It was like a scene from that Godfather film. The one where Corleone’s at his daughter’s wedding, and everybody’s come to pay him homage. Showing respect.” I laughed, but it was as bitter as the tears that once more ran down my face. “He’d have loved that.” I rubbed my eyes hard. Christ, I was so tired.
“Come to bed.” Kit gently tugged at me, but I shook my head.
“I just need some time to myself. To sit and?—”
He pressed a finger to my lips. “I understand. Just don’t stay up all night.”
When I heard the bedroom door close, I took a glass and the bottle of whisky and went out onto the balcony. I knew it was cold because a light frost glazed the iron rails, but I didn’t feel a thing, too numb not just from the day but from everything that had happened from the moment I’d called McNally.
I’d gone over it, over and over and over again, every day, every night, forensically dissecting everything that had happened. When I crawled, exhausted, into bed, when sleep finally came, it was Kelvin I saw, smiling, his lips parting as he pulled me towards him, the Stanley knife glinting between us. I’d wake up sweat drenched and shaking, my heart pounding. More than once I’d screamed myself awake.
Had I killed Kelvin or had it been an accident? I didn’t know and I knew I never would, no matter how many times I went over it. And that was something I’d have to live with for the rest of my life. As for the Stanley knife, McNally had confirmed it’d ended up at the bottom of the Thames. I had no reason to doubt him.
There had been a police investigation, of course. I’d been interviewed, more than once, and I’d stuck with my story.
Yes, the blood that had covered my jeans and jumper had been mine and Kelvin’s because I’d been attacked by the intruders before I’d gone to Kelvin and held him in my arms.
Yes, my finger prints covered every surface of the office because it was where I worked.
Yes, the intruders had worn masks and gloves so, no, I couldn’t identify them.
Yes, my working and personal relationship with Kelvin had been good.
No, there were no problems either between us or with the business.
