Page 30 of The Redemption of Alex Cade
“What do you think? Some of the lads were foreign. Most of us were apprehensive, but those lads were shit scared.” I turned away and poured myself another drink. If the first had scorched itself down my throat, the second didn’t even touch the sides.
A warm hand settled on my back, stroking in wide, lazy circles. Closing my eyes, I sighed because his sure touch was what I needed more than cheap alcohol.
“If you don’t want to say anything more?—”
I shook my head hard as I twisted around, meeting his gaze. I’d gone too far to stop. Alex eased me in closer, and I settled into him once more, needing to feel his solid warmth up hard against my back. But it also meant I didn’t have to look him in the eye when I told him the rest.
“There were about sixteen of us, maybe a few more, and it was made clear that whatever the clients wanted, they got. Jesus, I thought I was experienced, but it was another world. It wasn’t like meeting the men in the hotel, that had been kindof straight forward, or mostly. This—this was feral. It’s the only way I can explain it. It was likethe boysand believe me, there were a few I can’t believe were legal, were just meat to be fed upon.” I swallowed hard as the memories of that one and only party I’d been to flashed through my head. I wasn’t a prude. Sex came in all shapes and forms, but as long as it was consensual and nobody got hurt there was no issue. The problem was, some of the boys did get hurt, and badly.
“There were a lot of drugs and they were being handed out like sweets. I knew what most of them were but others were new to me. There was pressure to take stuff, and a lot of the lads did. I think for some it was a way of settling their nerves and just getting through it. I wasn’t going to take anything, because I wanted to keep my wits about me. But that wasn’t the only reason.” I huffed out a small laugh. “When I was about fifteen, I was with some friends and one of them had some dope. I ended up being sick everywhere, and I never lived it down. It kind of put me off ever being tempted again, thank god.”
I lapsed into silence. Alex said nothing as he held me close and placed a soft kiss on the back of my neck. It was what I needed, as it gave me the strength to finish what I’d never, ever thought I would tell another living soul.
“There were no boundaries. It was fucking scary, if I’m honest. And as for me not taking anything…” I swallowed and Alex rested his cheek against my head. “Something, somehow, was slipped to me. I thought I was being so careful. Some of what happened in that house, it’s like it was yesterday it’s so clear, but there are loads of blanks, too, stuff I can’t remember. Whether that’s a good or bad thing, I don’t know.
“When I came to, I was on a bed with three of the other lads. One was curled up and crying, the other two were asleepor passed out. I was covered in bite marks, scratches, and welts. There were dark bruises on my wrists and ankles, and around my neck. And—” I swallowed hard at the memory that would always be there, in some dark corner of my brain.
“There was a cage in the corner of the room. Like a dog cage. There was a young guy inside, curled up tight because there was hardly any room for him to move. He had—had—” My voice cracked as I relived that terrible morning. “He had a collar on. It was tight, I could see where it had rubbed the skin of his neck raw. There was a padlock on the cage, but it wasn’t locked. I tried to pull him out, to get him to come with me, but he wouldn’t move. So I left him there, with the others, because all I knew was that I had to get out, and fast.
“I found some clothes. They weren’t mine, so they didn’t fit me but I didn’t care. The party was still going on in some of the rooms, but I was able to get out of the house through the kitchen. When I’d arrived, there had been some security guys, but they were nowhere to be seen. I climbed over a wall, and crawled through some bushes, anything to get away. I was scared stiff somebody would stop me, but they never did. I found a twenty pound note scrunched up in the stolen trousers I was wearing. It was enough to get me home.”
I twisted around in Alex’s arms and stared at him. “It was Sunday afternoon. I’d arrived at that place early Friday evening, and I can’t remember most of what went on during that time. I stood under the shower until the water started to run cold, as I tried to scrub away everything that had happened. I got paid, as agreed, with nothing docked because I’d checked out a bit early, and it was more money than I’d ever had. What I did to earn it, I’ll never know, and I don’t think I want to. But it made me feel sick. Maybe I should have done something noble with it, like donate it to charity, something that would have made me feel clean. But I didn’t.”I rubbed my hands down my face, feeling suddenly and overwhelmingly tired.
“I got myself checked out, at a private clinic. It cost a small fortune, because they were able to fast track. The results all came back clear, and as soon as they did I brought all my travel plans forward because I had to get away as fast as I could. So that’s why I went to Thailand, where I swam in warm water and lay under a hot sun, where I leant to SCUBA dive, and taught a couple of sweet, funny, smiling kids English. It’s where I rediscovered that there are good people in this world. Thailand became not just my happy place, but my saviour, as it helped me put back the pieces of who I was.”
I stood up and held my hand out to Alex.
“Now take me to bed and hold me as tight as you can to stop me from breaking in two.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
ALEX
As muted, morning light streamed through the open curtains, I gazed down at Kit, asleep next to me in bed. The night before he’d led me upstairs, where we’d stripped off and crawled under the duvet. I’d wrapped my arms around him and, speaking only with gentle kisses, I’d stroked his back until he’d relaxed and fallen sleep. I’d lain awake, and watched darkness give way to a murky winter’s day.
Kit’s story haunted me. When he’d said he’d gone to a weekend party, in a house just outside London, I’d almost had a heart attack, but it had nothing to do with me or Kelvin, thank god. And the cage in the bedroom. Christ, no wonder Kit had freaked out that night in Euphoria.
Whatever had gone on there, and I had a pretty good idea, Kelvin and I went to lengths to make sure nothing got out of hand. Because I insisted on it. My stomach turned over. Coerced boys, and those Kit had been sure were underage. Trafficked boys. The hardline I wouldn’t cross for any price.The hardline Kelvin, with his cosying up to Aksoy, was pushing for me to redraw.
Kit shifted and his hair flopped over his face. Gently, so as not to wake him, I pushed it aside and stared down at him. I didn’t underestimate how difficult it had been for him to tell me what he’d done to survive. Would I have the courage to do the same? To explain what I’d done to survive? To explain how I’d become the man I was? The truth was, I didn’t know.
I slipped out of bed, avoiding answering my own questions, and headed to the shower in the hope the hot water would wash away the dread that covered me like dried on sweat.
Kit was still asleep when I emerged, so I made my way downstairs and out into his postage stamp sized garden that was so him.
Bird boxes were nailed to the fence and on the tiny shed at the rear of the garden, along with bug and bee hotels set up in corners. He’d made his own little wildlife sanctuary and I wondered what it’d all look like in the height of the summer. A hard rev of a car engine on the other side of the garden fence, followed by a burst of drum ’n' bass, shoved me out of my musings and I forgot all about the birds and the bees as the hard reality of my situation weighed down on me.
I lit up a cigarette, all thoughts that I should give up temporarily pushed aside as the nicotine rush made me close my eyes.
Kit and Kelvin. Kelvin and Kit. How the fuck was I going to reconcile the two?
Kelvin and I, we were… What, exactly? More than friends, way more. Not lovers, never lovers. We were bound closer than any lovers could be. I owed him everything. Without him I’d have nothing because you couldn’t have anything if you were dead in some filthy back street. There had to be a way through this, or around it, or over it, but as I stared out over Kit’s dormant garden, I had no idea how I was going to do it.
“Morning.”
I swung around. Kit, his hair damp from the shower, stood at the open door. In baggy, worn jeans and an over sized hoodie, he looked much younger than his years, and so damned vulnerable.
“Are you okay?”After last night.The question sounded stupid, but I didn’t know what else to say.
