Page 50 of The Redemption of Alex Cade
What he was, what he’d become, all the shit he was involved in, I hated it all. It made me sick, sad, and angry all at the same time. But Alex Cade, the man I’d come to know beneath the cool, hard exterior, I loved that man and I wasn’t sure I could let him go and turn away from him.
I finished my coffee and ordered another, as I pushed the untouched pastry aside before I checked my watch, astonished to find I’d been hunkered over my corner table for almost two hours. No wonder the staff were shooting looks my way. I needed to leave, but first I needed to make a call. Pulling up Alex’s number, I tapped the call icon and waited.
Alex opened his door even before I had the chance to ring the bell; he looked awful, and I knew I looked no better.
“You’re soaking wet. I told you I’d send a car.”
“I’ll dry off.” I walked into the enveloping heat of the flat, the warmth like a hug. I was frozen to the bone and the downpour I’d got caught in as I came out of the tube station had soaked through to my skin.
“Get out of your clothes, I’ll get you something to wear.” His words were tight and hard, almost angry, but the crease across his forehead and squint of his eyes spoke of pain.
Minutes later I emerged from the bathroom, my soaking clothes draped over the radiator, wearing jogging bottoms and a thick hoodie, which were big and baggy on me. Well worn, and well laundered, they still held a hint of the orange and lemon cologne that was Alex’s signature scent.
I made my way to the kitchen, expecting to find Alex making coffee. Instead he was slathering toast with butter and jam. He looked up and our eyes met.
“You look like you could do with something to eat. Sorry, but I haven’t got much in. I could order?—”
I shook my head. “No, toast is fine. I’ve kind of been existing on coffee since…”I told you to leave.
He pushed the toast towards me, from the other side of the big kitchen island. I nibbled a piece, unsure if I’d be able to keep it down, but instead it was gone in moments.
“I didn’t know if you’d call.”
I pushed the crumb covered plate aside. “I didn’t know if I would either. It was a close thing.” Was it? Now I was here with him, I knew it for the lie it was.
“But you’re here.”
“Yes.”
Silence pressed down on us as we faced each other across the island. From the moment I’d walked through the door, we’d kept our distance. Not a touch, not even an accidental one, yet I craved to feel his hands on me, his lips, his breath caressing and warming my skin. I wanted it so much I ached. But first we had to talk and I couldn’t do it under the hard light in the cool kitchen.
“It’s cold in here.” I got up and made my way through to the living room and tucked myself into the corner of the sofa.
Alex sat at the other end, and leant forward. Everything about him was tense and tightly wound. I longed to touch him, but I curled my hands into fists. What Alex told me next would decide if I could ever again let myself touch him, or him me, or if I walked out and never looked back. My stomach churned and threatened to rebel.
“I’ve been to see Kelvin. I told him I’m finished with the business.” His head dropped forward before he looked up atme, his tired eyes meeting mine. “I’m signing my half of everything over to him. He can have it all, because I’m done with it. I had a document drawn up. He tore it in two.” Alex shrugged, as though it was of no consequence, but I could see the pain and distress in that shift of his shoulders. “Doesn’t stop me from doing what I’m doing, though.”
He slumped back into the sofa and rubbed his eyes. “He’s given me no choice, Kit. I have to do this. I have to walk away.”
The unspoken words hung in the air: Alex was turning his back not just on the business, but on Kelvin, and it was shredding him to the core. I ached for the deep, deep friendship that was fracturing and how much this was ripping Alex apart. But then I remembered Kelvin’s icy intimidation, delivered with a smile, those he’d hada quiet wordwith, and the knife Alex had said Kelvin had always carried, and maybe still did.
He’d edged along the sofa, and was now only inches away. In the warmth of the room, as I looked into his tired, drawn face I truly understood for the first time what it was costing him, and not in cold, hard cash. The money didn’t matter to Alex, I knew it in my gut. As much as I loathed and feared Kelvin, he’d been a part of Alex since they were not much more than kids. Alex wasn’t just breaking through the brick wall they’d built together, he was also cutting out a piece of his soul which would leave a deep and jagged scar.
“Please, Kit. Please don’t walk away from me.”
He drifted his fingertips down my cheek, along my jawbone. It was light, tentative, as though he were touching me for the first time, as though he were discovering me. Walk away from him? I should have backed off and run as fast as I could from the first moment our eyes had met. But I hadn’t been able to then, and I couldn’t do it now. I closed my eyesas his hand slipped around to the back of my neck as he eased me nearer, as I let him, as our lips touched.
No, I wasn’t walking away.
Muttering in his sleep, Alex shifted onto his back, illuminated by the weak light of the winter moon streaming through the window, in the dark hours before dawn.
God knows, but he needed his rest.
From the moment he’d fallen asleep, Alex had thrashed around, fighting demons and nightmares I couldn’t even begin to imagine. He’d cried, in his sleep, and I’d held him close, whispering words of comfort until, at last, he’d quietened and settled.
My heart clenched hard as I looked down at him. I liked to watch him sleeping, even though I never told him that. It was like my own little private piece of him, yet we had come so close to losing this, to losing everything between us.
Could I, given the choice, have walked away from him? My heart had always known the answer even if my head hadn’t. Whatever path we were now on, we were on it together and to the end.
