My theory about the Ring firmed up in my mind though. The O’Toole’s and the Holloran’s found out about a partial Fairy being in the promised siblings and the O’Toole’s poisoned the well. It would be easiest with Earth Fairies since the O’Toole’s were Earth Fae.
I sighed, then dove into my trauma, “I was beaten a lot when I first got to Black Path for ridiculous things. Like eating after preparing breakfast once. I thought the Alpha would protect me, but he didn’t. They didn’t even lock me in a pantry with food. There were rats and mice though.”
“Mason slid me protein bars under the door, but he couldn’t make it every day. When they finally let me out…. my shoulderhad healed improperly… they’d pulled it out of socket, but I didn’t know how to reset it. I do now…but not then.”
“They actually broke it when they pulled violently on it after I was let out. Hendrick was going to take me to an outside doctor because the pack doctor refused to treat it. Celia came to their house. She’s now the pack doctor…. she wasn’t then because they wouldn’t let her be more than a nurse… even though she is a certified M.D. She treated my shoulder and became the only one who would actually treat me.”
I laughed humorlessly, continuing, “Sometimes it’s hard to believe all that happened then, because that was only the first time they threw me in the pantry.” I wiped tears I hadn’t even realized began to fall. I told her, “They made up reasons to keep putting me in there. Honestly, even if I did everything perfectly. It wasn’t good enough.”
“Once my bacon was too crispy and perfect. They actually said the word perfect. I preferred the pantry to the hole though. The hole was in the punishing fields. It was basically a deep well they dug to throw people in. I lost several fingernails trying to climb my way out of it. One of the first times they threw me in it… it was pouring rain. I really thought I was going to die.”
I whispered, “I begged for Jason to come save me… for Grandpa Ben… Alpha Peter… anyone really. It was the one and only time I asked Selene for something. Shockingly, she didn’t give it to me. I almost drowned, but Buck saved me.”
“If I wasn’t a Werewolf, I’d have died from hypothermia. It was barely above freezing temperature wise. The hole has magic on it too…so you can’t actually climb out or use anything to do so…which is rude…and I did try…before I found out there was magic involved.”
Haley said, “It’s ok to be upset your family wasn’t there. They have their reasons, stupid fucking valid reasons, involving compulsions and mother FUCKING Coven spells. I’m sorryWitch bitches and Warlock Warts get to me. It’s still ok for you to be upset they weren’t there for you.”
I cried, “No it’s not because it wasn’t their fault.” Haley shrugged, “Feelings aren’t always rational. They had each other, but you were alone. Becoming an island.” I looked away. Haley said, “If you keep pushing down how you feel, it will eventually flow out of you.”
I blurted out, “Why didn’t they come for me? Any of them? Why couldn’t they break the compulsion for me? IsawJason… I saved him! He remembered it too… why didn’t anyone believe him? Why didn’t he believe it himself? Why hasn’t ONE person asked about that?”
Haley bit her lip before asking, “You do realize that you just told me you’re in the Resistance? Or that you know someone who is. Jase appeared with a card in his pocket from the Resistance. A card I strongly fucking believe, came from you.”
I snorted, “I know… but you can’t tell anyone…. it’s a patient privilege thing. Do they not remember? Is that part of the compulsion? Why hasn’t Jase asked? He’s made mention of the fact he’s seen my back… because I was with Hunters… but it’s like he’s deliberately avoiding the Resistance is the one who brought him back.”
Haley said, “I’m taking your evasive answer as confirmation you’re in the fucking Resistance, just so you know. Have you considered that they haven’t said anything because they want you to tell them yourself?”
I crossed my arms grumbling, “And if I don’t want to talk about it?” Haley shrugged, “You don’t have to. Eventually though, something will force it to come out. I’d know that better than any damn person alive. Just because you want something to stay buried, doesn’t mean others do. Particularly when you are dealing with the goddamn Ring.” She had a point.
They were annoying and me and my friends being missing at key points would absolutely be questioned harder than in Black Path. Haley advised, “I’ll say this, if something does force it to come out just take Alexander aside first.” I should.
Haley continued, “Explain it all however you want to. My son will stand by your side either way. I just think you’ll be happier if you do that.” I sighed, “I’m more afraid a situation will force me to reveal it to him.”
Haley studied me surmising, “You want that to happen. You want something to come up where you can do something, or save someone, and just wait for him and others to show up.” I thought about it wanting to deny her claims, but ultimately realized she was right.
Haley laughed, “Oh dear. I see we really do have afuckinglot in common. You’d rather have a situation be handed to you where you can take off the mask you wear as a Resistance member than explain it without that happening. I get that. It’s the easier way to do it honestly. It comes up naturally that way.”
I sighed, “I just don’t like the questions that come with admitting I’m in the Resistance.” Haley smiled, “I assume you mean people wanting to meet the person in charge, and having you arrange that meeting.” I nodded, “Yup.”
Haley shrugged advising, “You can’t protect the person running the Resistance forever.” I frowned asking, “Protect them?” Haley nodded, “Several people here who love you so fucking much want to know who is behind this. The going theory is your pain and trauma was used to recruit you. Along with the fact that your fucking brilliant.”
I sighed, “Is that what you think?” Haley shrugged, “What I think is that you wanted a way to fight back. You wanted justice with a serious side aspect of vengeance. Someone offered you a way to get that.” My future mother in law was somewhatright….except nobody else had offered it to me, I offered it to myself….well….and others.
Haley added, “It’s only a matter of time before it’s discovered who that is. Which you know, because you brought Alexander peripherally into things involving the Resistance. You want him to figure it out. Before that you practically begged Peter and all of Red Run to figure it out when you saved him at his cabin.” That one had gutted me when he didn’t thank me for it. It made me really mad too. I was in the gym for hours after that one.
Based on what Haley was saying they all knew I was in the Resistance. They were just all waiting for me to admit it. Ok… well I was still going with avoidance there. A situation would arise….for that to be discussed. Maybe the vision I had. Freya said, “I think that’s ok.” I shrugged all that aside.
I asked Haley, “How do I live with it? How do I ever forgive Alpha Peter? I’ve been so angry with him… for so long. All the words… that weren’t his… play in my head. All those words from everyone… just rattle around in my brain. It wasn't them… but I hold that against them.”
“I also hold it against Alpha Peter that he didn’t protect me. I was his pack member… he was like family to me. He was supposed to know it was me that saved him and Luna Chelsea, but he didn’t… and it really made me mad… and it hurt because it felt like he directly ignored me.”
Haley said, “I think he is still very much like family to you and that’s why it hurts you so much. As for those letters, I think you should fucking burn them.” I snorted, “I should.” I’d still have them but the physical ones being gone… might be good.
Haley conjured the bag with the letters to my hands then snapped her fingers and wood built for a fire appeared. I poured lighter fluid and tossed a match into it. Haley told me, “Only if you’re ready.” I held onto the bag for a second before I opened it and looked at all the letters I’d clung to.
These letters that had torn at the fabric of my soul. I dumped them out then threw the bag onto the fire and watched them burn. Tears spilled out of my eyes and before I knew it, I was sobbing my heart out as I wiped my tears.
Eventually I admitted, “It makes me weak that I still care about Alpha Peter. A stronger person would be hardened to him.” Haley said, “I understand the sentiment, but it doesn’t make you weak. It shows your strength.” It didn’t feel that way.
