I knew my family would be mad at me… and they’d have a right to be. Everyone always told me if they were alive, Mom, dad, and Tristan wouldn’t have wanted me to punish myself for their deaths. On some level, I’d always known they were right; however, I needed to feel pain for what I’d caused. I felt I’d deserved it.
Now… I was ashamed of what I’d done in the Undergrounds. To a degree… it did give me funding… but I had enough money…from my investments. Though, I stopped fighting that way when Xander had asked…. and I still made a lot of money.
I was done with this conversation. I wasn’t going to give them the tools they wanted to hurt themselves emotionally. I asked Freya, “Are they serious right now?” My wolf answered, “They are.” I’d been acting independently for a long time.
Heck…I’d been solitary for a long time and basically told I didn’t have a blood family. Just because we were back in each other’s lives, that didn’t change. I couldn't just revert back to that version of myself. Even if I wanted to…. and part of me really did want that… I just couldn’t do it.
Did they not understand how much all of this sucked? I hated that this hurt Xander. I hated that this whole ordeal that was the several years of my life hurt my family and my brothers. It all sucked, and it was hard.
I needed air. Freya urged, “Let’s run.” YES! Running would help, it always did. I was out the door quickly. I didn’t miss Chason, Fowler, and KJ on my heels. How long had they been around? I shook that thought because it didn’t matter.
I ran until I heard a pop. I stopped expecting Xander, but it was Haley. My mate’s mother smiled looking around saying, “I thought you might like this place. Elise mentioned you had found it, and I myself find it calming.” I acknowledged, “Yeah, I like it.” We sat in silence for a while.
Eventually I said, “Is it so wrong that I don’t want my past to have anything to do with my right now?” Haley answered, “No, it’s not so wrong. I always encourage everyfuckingone I know to understand that telling their story has to be done in their time.”
I could feel the but coming….that sentence totally had a but in it. Freya chuckled. Haley added, “What I will say is the past has a way of not staying there. I understand that you hate what happened to you, and that it hurts those you love. I fucking hatethat myself about my own past. As much as it fucking sucks, talking about it is how we move forward.”
Haley admitted, “I held back details that people forced into the fucking light, and I’ll always curse them to the seven circles of hell for that. Once those things were out there it upset the people I love. I hate that. I hate the pain my past causes my children, mate, and family.”
“It took time, but I found my power and control came from when I took back. I talked about it and shared my story myself. I wait until my children are sixteen, or I fucking try to. Sometimes that doesn’t work out. The echoes of my past still come around, but I have Eric to hold on to.”
“I wish I was fucking normal sometimes, but I’m not. When you think about it, is anyone? We all are fucking unique. Everyone goes through their own issues in this thing we all call life. Some of us just get physical and emotional scars along the way.”
Haley took my hand before saying, “No one can fucking tell you when you are ready to share those pieces of yourself. Only your own heart can. That doesn’t stop the past from bringing shit up before you are ready.” I sighed, “Of course it couldn’t be helpful… nothing in my life ever is.”
Haley told me, “I tried to open myself here too soon when I wasn't truly ready. I was trying to be accepted by the Conners and the pack. I see that now. Honestly, I should’ve fucking seen it then. With Eric, it was different. You will understand that since you know how the mate bond is.”
She smiled saying, “I trust my mate with everything in me, and I still fucking do to this day. I wouldn’t do anything differently with him; however, I would with his fucking family.” She meant Cassandra and I already knew I agreed on that point.
Freya hummed, “Your memory says we hate her.” I growled, “We do. Cassandra hurt Xander before she died a lot by refusinghis healing. Xander’s wolf grandma is the worst and we are beyond glad she’s dead.” Because I would’ve killed Cassandra if I started the Resistance and she was still alive.
Haley continued, “I wouldn’t have opened up so fucking soon. I wasn’t ready for them to know so much about me. That’s what will be different for you. I’m here to fight for you, and the Conners have gotten over their no secrets bullshit. We have balance and it’s way better this way.”
She muttered, “Obviously, we need to refuckingvisit what gets kept secret,” Haley took a deep breath before adding, “but magic was involved so I am trying to find some calm because it wasn’t completely everyone’s fault for keeping things about you from me. That’s beside the point right now.”
“Your past might try to force your hand, but all it will take is one word from you to stop the conversation. If you say one word, link me, or shoot me a look that you’re uncomfortable or something, it stops. I will fucking handle everything. You can always come talk to me.”
Haley gently added, “I think you should talk to someone about what you went through. I can tell you from personal experience pushing things down without talking about them comes back to fucking haunt you. I had flashbacks and nightmares.”
“I think that’s normal in our shitty ass circumstances; however, I think I perpetuated them by not talking about them and truly healing. I had to learn that myself though. Which my own classes helped me realize, it was a bitch and half realizing I could diagfuckingnose myself.”
Haley offered, “I’ll help you through this, Melanie. If you want to talk to me, I’ll be here. If you want to talk to another pack therapist here, and I really do think you should, they will see you. That’s up to you though, but that’s my opinion as a professional and your mother in law.”
I acknowledged, “I probably should. I’ll think about it some more.” Haley nodded, “Well, let’s get back before our Alpha males can’t take it any longer and come looking for us. As if we can’t handle our damn selves.”
My mate’s mom smiled at me saying, “I think you and I would be quite hard to beat together in a fight. Do my son and husband know that? Hell yes they do. Does it matter to those Alpha genes of theirs? No.” I laughed, “I know you’re right.”
Haley asked, “Do you? On which part? Because I know those men like my own heart.” I explained, “The saying is like the back of your hand.” Haley sighed, “While that does make a little more fucking sense than most goddamn sayings in this realm my heart acts on my thoughts. I control it. I know those boys like my own heart.”
I admitted, “That is really beautiful. You should spread your own sayings here. We could get you your own website of sayings.” Haley asked, “Would someone be able to find it on the google?” I laughed, “Yes, we could make sure they could.”
Haley put her arm around me saying, “I really fucking like you, Melanie McAlister. I’m damn glad you’re not actually a prank.” I smiled admitting, “I like you too.” I truly did. My mate’s mom hummed, “But you meant you knew we would be hard to beat in a fight.”
I acknowledged, “Practically impossible… even with you taking iron, there is a less than one percent chance we’d be defeated.” Haley smirked at me, and we got up. I was getting a sinking feeling my mate’s mom was right, I needed to talk to someone.
Logically, pushing everything down and ignoring it… might now work the best. My box of rage rattled a lot now…and I wasn’t around as many bad people to let it loose on. Freya said, “You should talk to someone. You are very angry and that’s justifiedbut talking might help.” Maybe. I was just so used to keeping it all in now, but there was a time I didn’t.
Haley popped us back outside the house. She seemed to find something interesting in the look Mrs. Blanch gave her, but I wasn’t sure what it was. I asked Freya, “Did Xander just say he wanted to marry me?!” My wolf answered, “He did. Specifically mate said he’d already be married to us if we were marked.” I was completely stunned.
