Page 76 of Destined for the Devil
The storm raging inside my soul was dangerous. I wanted to die. A few times I backed myself into a corner, finding all the reasons why dying would be easier than continuing to live. Nothing brought me even a smidgeon of joy. Not the sunshine, not my familiar city, not my friends.Nothing. No small or big thing could dampen the torturous pain I felt at every second.
My mind was consumed by Roman, the breakup, and the heartache. His image, his words,him—he was always on my mind. I saw him in every person who walked by, and I compared everyone to him. Everyone was awful. Everyone was just a nuisance. I only wanted to see and be near him.
I was very lost. I couldn't pull myself together to apply to jobs, so I mindlessly wandered the city. For hours, I’d sit on benches or random ledges, staring into nothing.
He was gone. It was all over, forever. We would never be together. But every time I told myself that all was lost, a ray of hope illuminated my soul. Maybe I was somehow wrong? I wanted to be with him more than I wanted anything else in my life.
Seven agonizing days after I escaped Los Angeles, I received a phone call from Columbia’s admissions office. They were looking for my confirmation of attendance, since the semester was starting imminently.
"May I defer until next year?" I breathed into the phone, having no energy to speak.
After a long pause, the admissions clerk responded, blunt and unsympathetic. "That won’t be possible. Your spot for this year was granted as an unprecedented exception, and next year there will be a new dean. I doubt he will look at your indecisions favorably. I understandthere are extenuating circumstances in your life, but your spot for this year has robbed someone else of the opportunity to attend."
What another kick in the gut. So if I wanted to go back and finish what I’d started, it had to be this year, and it had to be at Columbia.
"When do I have to pay the tuition by?”
"Anytime before the start of class on September eighth. You can pay all at once, before each semester, or take out a student loan."
Every day, I put it off. But on day five, there was no escaping it—I needed the loan if I didn’t want to flush years of university down the drain. And most unfortunately, there was only one person who would be able to lend me such a huge sum of money on such short notice, with no job.
Heavy dread settled in my chest as I stepped into my ex-boyfriend’s office, about to beg for money.
"Isla! I was so happy to hear from you! How are you?" Thomas walked in the door, blinding me with his smile. Ugh. He was almost giddy that I was here asking for help.
Thomas A. Grant was yourclassicfinance bro, the typical my-dad-will-hear-about-this white boy. Conventionally handsome and tall, he indeed played golf on the weekends and football with his buddies. He thrived during happy hour networking events. The family home in the Hamptons was his summer getaway, and, of course, this year he got a promotion at his father’s private investment firm.
"Hi Tommy. Long time no see. Thanks for meeting with me." I forced a small smile on my face, standing up to give him an obligatory hug. But Thomas held on,waylonger than expected.
"How was L.A.? How come you're back?" He grabbed his seat in front of the computer, feigning concern, unable to hold back his smile.
How was L.A.? Life-changing and shattering from the moment I got there until the last minute I was there.
"It was great, but I'm back because Columbia said I can’t defer anymore," I lied with renewed energy, not wanting to reveal any information about my true situation.
We chatted and caught up on life, but I was itching to get out of there. His eyes kept roaming over me, lingering too long, and it was clear he was enjoying this more than he should have. I was beginning to regret coming to him.
"I need a loan for seventy grand, probably for six months. The bank won't give me a credit line for that much." I finally asked him.
He nodded eagerly and began typing away on his keyboard. After a minute of awkward silence, he proposed, "We can provide a loan for seventy thousand with an interest rate of eleven and a half percent.”
I nearly fell off my chair. An almosttwelve percentinterest rate?! This was robbery!
"Wow. You guys really like to make your money, huh?" I cracked a joke to ease my own tension.
He responded with a condescending smile. "Well. It's a lot of money to loan on such short notice."
Bullshit. This was absolutely nothing to them. They moved literalbillions, but they’d never pass up the opportunity to collect every single cent.
Still, I had no choice. I’d pay off this stupid loan as soon as I had access to my parent’s estate and never speak to Thomas again. "Okay. I'll need the money as soon as possible, so…give me the application. I'll sign it and drop it off today before the end of the day."
Ugh. I hated being here.
"Perfect! Why don't we grab drinks later tonight?” Thomas suggested, flashing that revolting and rehearsed smile my way. “Then I can pick up the paperwork. Seal the deal, so to speak.” I forced back a smile, wondering how I’d ever loved him.
A thought hit me—would I ever feel this way about Roman? Would I ever get over it?
I pushed it out of my mind and refocused on Thomas. I needed the money, and a drink wasn’t the worst thing in the world. I’d power through and get this done.
