Page 38 of Play the Game
Fuck, fine. I’m an accomplished litigator. I can chew out an opposing counsel without even blinking. For sure I can take my blood pressure, right?
Me
You’re a badass, Rhodes. Do the damn thing.
Evan
[picture attached of readout on blood pressure monitor]
It’s high, but not as high as it was at the doctor’s office.
Me
Good girl.
Evan
It was hotter when you said that to me two months ago while you were taking off your pants.
Me
I don’t know…I think bribing my baby mama to take her blood pressure is pretty hot.
Evan
Oh my god, gross. If you ever say baby mama again, I’ll cut off your balls to make sure you can never impregnate another woman for the rest of your life.
Me
Honestly, I would deserve it. That’s the worst thing I’ve ever said. I want to banish that phrase from everyone’s vocabulary.
What are your plans today?
Evan
I’m expected to attend my parents’ fancy Thanksgiving situation where I will, no doubt, have to defend my choice to be a lawyer at least twice and will have to listen to my parents carry on about how my brother was robbed of the World Series title to which he was entitled. And I’ll have to do it all without even one single alcoholic beverage.
At least Chris and Rio will be there too.
Me
Have you told your parents?
Evan
About what?
Me
Seriously?
Evan
Ugh, no. I’m putting that off as long as possible. My parents aren’t nearly as cool as yours. They’re actually kind of awful. I bet your Thanksgivings are a wholesome delight.
Me
I don’t know if I would say they’re wholesome. At least one of my brothers will be making out with his girl in the corner at any given time. My grandmother will make it her mission to get everyone as drunk as possible and make veiled predictions for all of our futures. And my mom will complain about how no one is helping her in the kitchen and tell us she raised us better than that.
