Page 62 of Play the Game
“You can, Jo Jo. You all can,” Cece says, looking between the four of us. “Every woman has a touch of the clairvoyant inside of her. You just have to listen to what the universe tells you and watch for its signs.”
Jo sighs. “I don’t know; that sounds like a lot of work. I’ll just leave the psychic thing to you. You’re so good at it.”
“Oh honey, I know I am,” Cece says with a grin, taking a sip of her drink. “Which is how I know Evan felt her baby move for the first time the other day. How did that make you feel?” she asks, looking at me intently.
“Oh my god,” Jo squeals, grabbing my hand and squeezing. “That’s so exciting. I love being an aunt so much. I can’t wait to get to do it again. Between Hallie and Ben having another one and you being pregnant, it’s so many babies and I can’t even.”
“Hallie is our older sister,” Hannah explains. “She and her husband are having their third this spring. Probably just a few weeks before you and Cooper.”
“Oh,” is all I can think to say. I wish I could bottle up some of Jo’s excitement so I could take it out and borrow it when I can’t find any of my own. Which is pretty much always. When I glance back at Cece, she’s still looking at me with that penetrating stare I feel all the way down to my toes. Maybe it’s the way she looks at me—like she’s not expecting me to say anything but the truth. Or maybe it’s being surrounded by all these women who seem to have accepted me straight into their fold, no questions asked. Or the warmth of this happy house—so different from anything I grew up with. Or the way I can hear Cooper laughing in the kitchen, my ears somehow able to separate his voice from everyone else’s like we live on the same wavelength now. Whatever it is, it’s enough to have me opening my mouth and telling these women all my secrets.
“I haven’t exactly found my excitement about all of this,” I say, gesturing at my stomach. “It took me by surprise, and even though I should probably have my shit together, I still can’t figure out how I feel about it.” I hold my breath, waiting for judgment, but instead all I see are five faces full of a kind of understanding that has my eyes burning. “It’s hard,” I manage. “Knowing how to handle this. What to think. Trying to plan for something I don’t understand and, on some days, I’m not evensure I want. I’m a lawyer. I know how to do that, and I want to do it well. I don’t know how to do this, and I don’t know how to have both.”
Without a word, Pam gets up from her chair and comes to sit on the coffee table right in front of me, taking both of my hands. “You’re doing fine, Evan. Better than fine.”
I shake my head, huffing out a laugh. “Thank you for saying that, but I’m the farthest thing from fine.”
Pam smiles, squeezing my hands. “When I was pregnant with Jordan, my neighbor was pregnant too, and every morning she did yoga in her back yard. She would come out dressed in these perfect exercise outfits and do sun salutations or whatever the fuck, smiling serenely with her hands on her stomach, looking like the happiest pregnant woman ever to exist. Whenever we talked, she would tell me how blessed she felt to be pregnant and how she was the happiest she had ever been and how amazing she was feeling. And there I was, sick as a dog, hating pregnancy and life in general. I couldn’t eat anything, none of my clothes fit, and most days I wondered at least twice whether I was making the biggest mistake of my entire life. The day we came home from the hospital, I asked Rob if maybe we should just send Jordan back because I had no business being a mother. Didn’t even really want to be one.”
“What did he say?” I practically whisper.
Pam smiles. “He took Jordan from me, kissed my cheek, and tucked me into bed. Four hours later, I woke up to a clean house, a sleeping baby, and lunch on the table. Then he did it again every single time I had a crisis of confidence, which was at least once a day for months.”
I look down at our joined hands and back up at Pam. “Sounds like Cooper comes by his caretaking streak naturally.”
“He absolutely does. Cooper and my Rob are cut from the exact same cloth.” Pam sighs, looking at all four of us. “It’s so hard to be a woman. Especially a pregnant woman. The whole damn world wants to tell you how you should feel, and it’sexhausting. I’m here to tell you that however you feel is the right way to feel. I’m also here to tell you that if you hate being pregnant, so did I. If you have no idea if you actually want to be a mom, I didn’t either. And if you have no idea how to feel most of the time, I promise I felt exactly the same way. Most women do, it’s just that no one talks about it. But you can talk about it here. You can always talk to us. You’re Cooper’s, so you’re ours now too.”
I let out a long slow breath, trying to get my emotions under control. “I don’t know if I would call myself his.”
Amelia snorts. “Tell that to people who believe you. I saw the look he gave you earlier when he came in with your bags. That look had claiming all over it.”
“Sorry, I have to agree with my girl here,” Hannah says, grinning at me. “He literally raised the temperature in the room with his eyes. That man has it bad for you.”
“He doesn’t,” I protest. “I mean, he can’t. Five minutes ago, we hated each other.”
“And I suppose you got pregnant through immaculate conception?” Pam asks, her eyes sparkling with amusement.
“Hot damn, now we’re talking!” Jo says, bouncing a little on the couch and linking her arm with mine, her enthusiasm infectious. “Tell us everything about that.”
“It was, like, a moment of pure insanity.”
“It sure wasn’t,” Cece pipes up from her chair. “That moment was a long time coming. You might think you hated each other, but you never really did. Cooper has had feelings for you forever. I saw it the second he came home complaining about the new associate in his group two years ago. You were always meant to be here, Evan. To be Cooper’s. And ours too. You’re our missing piece. You and your daughter. Cooper’s daughter.”
Amelia gasps, and every head in the room turns to Cece.
“Daughter?” Jo asks, a waver in her voice.
Cece nods. “Daughter,” she says definitively.
“That’s what Cooper said too,” I say quietly. “He’s sure of it.We haven’t found out yet. I have an ultrasound right after New Year’s.”
Cece waves that away. “You don’t need an ultrasound to tell you what I can see with my own two eyes. Cooper has a way about him, too. If he thinks it’s a girl, it’s definitely a girl.”
“Oh my god, we’re having a girl,” Amelia says, grinning madly at me.
“We definitely need more girls around here. Love this for us.” Hannah reaches around Jo and squeezes my shoulder.
“You’re going to be a wonderful mom,” Pam says, voice low.
