Page 81 of Before Broken Vows
I've had to give myself about three pep talks so far. It's been hard, but I'm trying not to think about the letter I got. The picture. The fact that someone is threatening me and Xander. The whole reason why we're here. I've found that if you tell yourself all you have is today, this moment, the here and now, it tends to overwhelm every other thought.
Because if someone comes for us, I want to know this moment was real. That I didn't waste it. That we were happy, even if just for a day.
I look up and see Xander clinging to Theo's hand as they walk ahead of me, chattering about animals and whether the baby tigers will ever be "as big as Daddy."
It's surreal. Just days ago, they were strangers. Now, Xander and Theo talk like they've always known each other, and Theo listens like every word matters.
"Mommy! Daddy says el'phants remember everything forever and ever."
"It's true," I say, stepping closer to them. "An elephant never forgets," I say with a smile and rub his head. "That's what they say, anyhow."
I look at Theo. I see his eyes scanning the area around us before returning to me. He's got men near the entrance, another by the reptile house, and a few scattered around, but I can tell he's still on high alert.
Theo glances back at me, and for a second, we have a moment. It's brief, but it tells me everything I need to know: he's falling harder and faster than he wants to admit. Not just for our son, but for this. For us. And so am I.
"Can we see lions next?" Xander bounces on his toes, oblivious to the moment.
"Of course," Theo says and pats him on the back. "Have you ever heard a lion roar up close?"
"No!"
"Well, maybe we'll get lucky and hear one of them."
Xander takes Theo's hand without hesitation, then, for the first time, he turns and reaches back for mine. I don't think I've ever grabbed someone's hand so fast.
The three of us, connected, walking. My heart beats so fast in my chest I almost can't breathe.
This is what we could have had all along. This is what his father stole from us.
The sun, and Theo's hand, warm my skin. I'm now grateful Marlena insisted on staying behind at the villa, claiming she needed rest. "You three need time together," she'd said, hugging me before we left. "He's making up for lost time. Let him."
At the lion enclosure, we find three sprawled in the shade, their massive paws dangling over a rock ledge. Xander presses against the viewing glass, amazement written across his face.
Then, as kids do, he turns and spots a sign with an arrow and monkeys on it.
"Monkeys!" Xander yells and walks away.
Besides breaks to eat, some frozen lemonade, and a few pieces of mango for Xander, our day unfolds jumping from one animal habitat to another under the hot sun.
By the time we make it back to the villa, we're hot and sweaty. We all change and jump into the pool. The cool water is instantly refreshing on the skin.
I hold Xander, who's clutching a plastic tiger Theo got him like it's his most priceless item—and right now, it probably is.
Afterward, we all rinse off in the outside showers and go inside. I change Xander out of his bathing suit and he runs to thecouch, tiger still in his hands, and he passes out while putting on cartoons.
I sweep a damp lock of hair from his forehead and give him a kiss.
"We've worn him out," I say, turning to Theo.
"I'm glad he had fun today."
"Are you kidding? It was like his best day."
Theo nods, and I can see he's thinking of something. "Are you all right?"
"Meet me in the bedroom," he says with a slight smile, low enough that Marlena doesn't hear.
"Okay," I say, knowing he's up to something. "I'll ask Marlena to keep an eye on him."
