Page 65 of Lady Audacious
‘Absolutely sure. I have not come this far only to be defeated. Besides, I deserve a front row seat from which I can assure myself that the actors don’t forget their lines. And to see Reuben’s reaction, naturally.’
‘Sarah.’ The pathos in Nelly’s tone assured her of Sarah’s full attention. She was one of the few people, perhaps the only person, who had Sarah’s best interests at heart and Sarah would be lost without her wise counsel. Counsel that she ordinarily heeded, but not today. ‘You’re overwrought again, love. You know how you can sometimes get.’
‘I am notlosing my wits, if that’s what you mean to imply,’ Sarah replied indignantly. ‘All of that is behind me. The episodes I had as a child were covered up for a reason. I don’t want to go through life with the stigma of insanity hovering over me, even if Mama herself has now run completely mad.Thatwill not happen to me, not once Reuben has come to his senses and is there to take care of me.’
‘I am aware of the problems you’ve risen above, lamb, and admire your determination in that respect. Even so, you know how obsessive you can be. It’s not healthy.’
Sarah dismissed Nelly’s warning with a careless wave. ‘You worry too much,’ she said, massaging her temple with the tips of her fingers.
‘Have you got one of your headaches? They come on when you get yourself into a state over nothing.’
‘It’s hardly nothing. I am protecting the interests of my future husband from those who would exploit him.’ Sarah tossed her head and winced. ‘It’s a noble cause.’
Nelly let out a long sigh. ‘Nothing I can say will change your mind, will it?’
‘Absolutely not.’
Sarah beamed, in high spirits now that she had a plan to put Miss Aspen firmly in her place, privately thinking that Nelly was making too much of a fuss. It had been months since Sarah last had an episode. She never remembered them but was aware of a force greater than her own will sometimes taking possession of her mind and making her say and do things she would not ordinarily contemplate. She blamed her mama, who really was dicked in the nob; not that anyone would actually tell her so. Instead, she was kept in seclusion under the guise of illness—which was not entirely untrue, but it ensured that Sarah’s prospects were not hampered by the stigma of madness.
Everyone said it was for the best when Nelly more or less took her mother’s place, appointing herself as Sarah’s companion, maid, chaperone and friend. She knew all of Sarah’s secrets, understood why her behaviour was not always rational, and loved her unconditionally in spite of it.
‘I shall invite Emily to walk over to Fox’s Reach with me in the morning and she can be an independent witness. That way there can be no misconceptions.’
‘Just be careful, love,’ Nelly said, stroking Sarah’s hair and sighing. ‘There’s so many things that could go wrong.’
‘Nonsense!’ Sarah impulsively kissed Nelly’s cheek. ‘Now, which gown shall I wear this evening?’
Sarah delayed going down to dinner until the last minute. Wearing her best gown, she decided to make an entrance but Reuben, for whom she had made the effort, was not there to appreciate it.
‘Reuben is dining in Chichester this evening,’ Lady Amberley told her, ‘and Arthur has gone with him. Goodness alone knows what those boys find to get up to. Never mind, it will be just the four of us ladies, what with Beth being at the Aldridges. Won’t that be lovely. We can gossip and laugh to our collective hearts’ content.’
Sarah saw absolutely nothing lovely in the prospect but smiled and said all the right things. She did manage to procure a promise from Emily to accompany her to Fox’s Reach in the morning, so the time was not completely wasted.
‘Naturally I shall come with you. I am anxious to see how Willow fares,’ Emily said, ‘but I confess to being surprised at your wanting to go. I got the impression that you do not approve of our new neighbour.’
‘Not a bit of it. She was an unconventional surprise, that’s all, but I admire her enterprising spirit and would like to know her better.’
‘Would you, Sarah dear?’ The countess beamed. ‘How very obliging of you.’
‘I shall get a better idea of her character on this second visit, ma’am,’ Sarah said magnanimously, ‘and will be able to advise you in that respect.’
‘That will be such a relief. You are so very thoughtful, Sarah, and I don’t know how I would manage without you.’
‘Hopefully you will not have to for much longer,’ Sarah replied, crossing her fingers beneath the table.
Sarah timed their departure in the morning so that as she and Emily set off on foot, she heard Reuben order his horse to be saddled. This time, Sarah was better prepared for the stream and was wearing sturdy half boots that she wouldn’t mind getting wet. It was all in a good cause. Reuben had declined Emily’s invitation to join them on foot, which upset Sarah. She had hoped they would all arrive together and witness Miss Aspen’s shallow behaviour. But Reuben, it seemed, had somewhere else to be after calling at Fox’s Reach and so had need of his horse.
Emily seemed uncharacteristically reserved that morning, speaking only when addressed directly and sending Sarah frequent sideways glances, as though she suspected her motives. Sarah shook off that feeling, convinced that she was working herself into one of her states by imagining things, as she so easily could.
‘Here we are,’ Sarah said, pointing to the stepping stones that had been responsible for her loss of dignity on her previous visit.
Emily lifted her skirts and hopped lightly across them without slipping or even appearing to wet her shoes. Sarah followed after her more cautiously and fared almost as well, which she took as a positive omen.
‘Goodness, the gardens are being brought back to life already,’ Sarah said, deliberately dawdling in order to admire flowers that were of absolutely no interest to her. It was imperative that they arrive in the stables at the same time as Reuben, which is when they would all come across Miss Aspen in Joe Wright’s fond embrace. She glanced up at the roof, which appeared to be almost completely repaired. There was no sign of either member of the Wright family and Sarah knew a moment’s concern. Perhaps they had finished their work and gone on elsewhere.
No! She shook her head decisively, refusing to believe that Joe had taken her money with no intention of fulfilling his side of the bargain, even though there was absolutely nothing to prevent him from so doing. She had taken his agreement on trust and paid him in advance—which in retrospect had perhaps been foolish.
‘Come along, Sarah,’ Emily said, marching on ahead. ‘It is very impolite of us to linger in the gardens without first greeting Miss Aspen.’
