Page 71 of A Sense of Turmoil
Flora sighed. ‘I wish that were true, but unfortunately, on this occasion it was not my sixth sense that alerted me, it was one of the normal five.’
‘What do you mean by that?’
She smiled. ‘Stop behaving like a caged animal, sit down and I will tell you.’
He returned her smile. ‘I have missed the way you talk to me so bluntly and have no sympathy to spare when I am feeling sorry for myself. Not many others dare to speak so candidly.’
‘I spent too much time with your grandmother, obviously.’ Flora chuckled. ‘She most certainly didn’t mince her words, and spoke as she found.’ Her smile faded. ‘Anyway, to explain my earlier comment, I sensed from the outset that there was something not quite right about George Fleming. Hedidbehave inappropriately that day at table, despite what he told you.’
‘I never should have doubted your word on the matter. I know you didn’t reciprocate when he showed an interest in you and can quite see now that his pride took a denting. I am so very sorry not to have taken your side.’
‘Well, I knew the moment he tried it that my first unfavourable impressions were correct. And he was only attempting to distract me because he thought that you and I…well, never mind.’ She felt her cheeks grow warm. ‘He was wrong about that, we both know it, and I heartily disliked and mistrusted him. I should add that I didn’t feel the same way about Ottilie. As far as I could ascertain, she was charming and lovely and very attached to you. I don’t think she was to blame for what took place in America. In fact, I know she was not.’ Flora paused. ‘You see, the reason why I can be so sure is because I overheard them discussing their circumstances.’
Luke looked bewildered. ‘You eavesdropped?’
‘Not intentionally. I was walking in the walled garden when I heard them talking in the conservatory. I heard my name mentioned, so naturally my curiosity was piqued.’
‘You should have told me.’
She sent him an accusing look. ‘Andthenyou would have believed me?’
‘Flora, I am so very sorry.’ He splayed his legs, clutched his hands between them and addressed his comment to the floor. ‘I just…well, you know how I feel about the supernatural.’
‘You blame your parents’ death on the advice given to them by a medium who told them it would be safe for them to cross the Atlantic. But stop to consider, Luke, if he or she had advised against travelling, do you suppose that your father would have taken any notice? It’s my understanding from what you told me before that it was in his interests to leave the country for a while, and quickly. You mentioned a debt of honour that he didn’t incur. In view of what you have subsequently told me today, perhaps he dallied with another man’s wife and needed to distance himself from an irate husband before reputations were destroyed beyond recall.’
She half expected him to deny the possibility and fly into a rage. Instead, he surprised her by letting out a prolonged sigh and nodding. ‘I cannot afford to dismiss any suggestion of that nature. Especially not now that I know the truth about his moral character.’
‘I am glad you feel that way. Now that you no longer feel the need to live up to his expectations, you will find the freedom to pursue happiness and forge your own path.’
‘You still should have told me that you’d overheard George and Ottilie discussing their situation.’
‘I came to you fully intending to do just that. But you accused me of being jealous, of discrediting George, of resenting Ottilie and so much more besides before I could properly open my mouth. I was hurt and offended, Luke.’ She looked up at him, aware that her eyes were glistening with tears that she refused to let fall. ‘I thought we understood one another better than that.’
‘Flora, I…’
She waved a hand at him to stop the flow of his words, wanting to say her piece before her courage failed her. ‘I decided at that point to leave you to make your own mistakes. I knew you wouldn’t believe me and anything I said when you were in such a conflicted frame of mind would destroy our friendship. Or what was left of it by that point. You were determined to do what your father expected of you, even if it wasn’t what you yourself wanted.’
‘If a small part of me hadn’t believed you, I would not have cabled Sam, so I still have you to thank for saving me from a conniving and bitter family.’ He paused and flashed a brief smile. ‘Again.’
‘You are entirely welcome.’
‘I wish…’ He stood again and resumed his pacing. ‘I wish Grandmamma was still alive, I wish things could go back to the way they were, I wish Archie didn’t live so close to you…’ He threw up his hands. ‘I wish so many things. But wishes are for children. I have failed you in the worst possible manner and I—’
‘No, Luke, you have not failed me, but you cannot accept me for the person I am either, and therein lies our problem.’ She didn’t pretend to misunderstand what he wished for since she wished for it herself, but not at any price. ‘I cannot and will not ignore a gift that you don’t believe in. I use it for the greater good as you yourself are well aware, even if you can’t bring yourself to admit it, preferring to imagine that my actions are founded on coincidence rather than the supernatural. I found the courage to escape a controlling parent who refused to let me use my abilities. I will not allow another man to curb my natural instincts.’ She shook her head, aware of the tears trickling freely down her face. ‘It would be a betrayal of who I am.’
‘That is what I thought you would say.’
The sadness in his expression, his bleak tone, was almost her undoing. She wanted to throw her arms around him and assure him that they would come to understand one another in time, but she found the strength to resist that urge from somewhere. Her freedom was simply too important to her to take the chance. Besides, it would be a long time before she could forget his accusations of jealousy and his unwillingness to believe that George had made a pass at her.
‘Can we at least still be friends?’ he asked, a gleam of hope sparkling in his eyes. ‘Perhaps the passage of time will allow us to reach a compromise. I am so very fond of you, Flora. In fact, I am in love with you. I think I always have been, but I didn’t allow myself to make the admission. All the time you were at the Court, it seemed as though we would reach an understanding, then I drove you away and…’
‘I love you too, Luke, but I’m not sure that it’s enough. I have always considered myself to be your friend and I hope that I always will be. My heart broke into a thousand pieces when I heard you were to marry Ottilie. I told myself it was because she was wrong for you but I know that wasn’t the only reason.’ She found the courage to meet his gaze. ‘I was jealous and upset.’
He smiled at her then, a soft, meltingly gentle smile that dented her vulnerable heart and briefly made her wonder if she was doing the right thing.
‘I will leave you now,’ he said, ‘before I make a complete fool of myself. But I know that Mary intends to invite you to the Court for the autumn fair. I hope you will come.’
She stood on her toes and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. ‘I wouldn’t miss it for the world,’ she assured him. ‘It was the countess’s favourite time of year.’
