Page 21 of A Sense of Turmoil
‘Why, Lord Felsham, I do believe you just paid me a compliment.’
‘Since you mention it, I believe that I did, Miss Latimer.’
They sat side by side on the bench that Luke had recently commissioned to mark the spot where he and Flora had been accustomed to look out over the water and talk about anything and everything. Those days were now gone, and here Flora found herself with his best friend, a man of almost equal standing who seemed genuinely interested in her problems. They must seem insignificant compared to the burden of responsibility he now bore, and yet she felt as though she could confide in Archie Felsham in the way that she once had in Luke, and that he would find all the time in the world to listen. It was both comforting and reassuring.
‘Luke has always been like a brother to me,’ Archie said. ‘Being an only child, I craved a sibling. Felsham Hall is a barn of a place for one small child to rattle around in, and I was lonely. But when I started school I gained three brothers in the form of Luke, Alvin and Paul. We hit it off immediately, but the strongest bond has always been between Luke and me.’ He stared off into the distance, his thick dark hair lifting in the breeze. His grey eyes usually reflected the pain he lived with, but today they were clear and expressive. ‘It crucified me not being able to tell my friends that I had survived my fall and was still alive, at least after a fashion. But the prognosis was not good, and the pain was so severe that I often considered ending it all.’
‘I can well imagine.’ She impulsively touched the hand that rested on his thigh. ‘What kept you going?’
‘The thought of my father’s reaction held me back. And it was for that reason that I didn’t confide in my friends either. The pater was as lenient with me as yours was strict with you and made constant allowances for what he described as my youthful indiscretions.’ Archie chuckled. ‘I heard stories about his days at Oxford and I rather suspect that I was following in his footsteps. His censure would most certainly have been an act of hypocrisy. The only promise he demanded of me when I was sent to France to recover was that I not tell a living soul that I had survived or where I was. Especially not my friends.’
‘Fathers are good at getting their sons to make promises,’ Flora said, a bitter edge to her voice. ‘I know Luke made one to his father. Not that he has actually told me as much, but I know it all the same. I can sense these things, you see, but Luke refuses to acknowledge my abilities.’
‘How uncommonly narrowminded of him.’ Archie gazed over the reservoir, lost in thought. ‘You must bear in mind that the last time I saw my friends before my accident, we were all in our prime; carefree and privileged young men letting off steam. Luke’s parents were still alive and he had no expectation of acceding to the earldom for many years. It was thrust upon him at a time when he was beset with grief, and I couldn’t be there for him. I couldn’t even write a note of condolence.’ He thumped his clenched fist against the surface of the bench and Flora sensed his frustration. ‘All I could do was read about his loss in the newspapers that reached me when they were two weeks old and hear about it from my father when he visited.’ He threw back his head and sighed. ‘That fall didn’t kill me but not being able to be there for Luke in his time of need damned nearly did.’
‘I can well imagine.’
‘The point I’m trying to make, in my own clumsy fashion, is that Luke respected his father above any man alive and if he made promises to him, no matter how obscure or unreasonable, he will never break them.’
‘I wouldn’t ask him to. How can I make you understand that I have no expectations in that regard?’
‘What Luke will never accept, and what I no longer feel able to point out to him, is that his father was far from perfect.’
Flora jerked her head around and fixed Archie with a probing look. ‘What do you mean by that?’
‘There were rumours, strong rumours that reached my ears, even before my accident.’
‘He told me that his father decided to visit his estate in Boston because there was some unpleasantness over a gambling debt which he had not incurred.’
‘There was no gambling debt. The unpleasantness was over a lady,’ Archie said softly. ‘He was in danger of being called out by an aggrieved husband.’ He gave a self-deprecating chuckle. ‘Not that I am in any position to judge.’
Flora blinked up at him. ‘Luke’s father was a womaniser?’
‘He was. That fact is not in doubt. I’m surprised the countess hasn’t mentioned it to you. She was well aware of her son’s predilections, although I don’t suppose she wants to denigrate the memory of her only child. But yes, his marriage was not a happy one. The countess didn’t approve his choice of a wife, but was unable to stop the marriage going ahead. It was a union based on mutual indifference, from what I could see, but Luke couldn’t or didn’t want to recognise the fact. Perhaps he would have done so once he matured but they died and he never had the chance. Their memory is precious to him and it’s hard to speak ill of the dead—especially when the person one’s speaking to doesn’t want to hear it. Besides, what purpose would it serve?’
‘How very sad.’
‘Isn’t it? But as children we all look up to and respect our parents, regardless of their foibles. Even you, I suspect.’
‘Yes,’ she said simply. ‘I loved Papa very much when I was young, but I loved my grandmother considerably more. She was a wonderful woman, who encouraged me to become the person I am today. You would have liked her. Perhaps I will tell you all about her one day.’
‘I’d like to hear about her.’ Archie pushed a thick lock of hair away from his eyes. ‘I feel as though I am still Luke’s closest friend, and yet in many ways I don’t know or understand the man he has become.’
‘Hardly surprising, given that you were separated for ten vital years, when everything in Luke’s life changed.’
‘Quite. I also hurt my friends by not getting word to them about my survival, which is why I feel that I have no right to interfere in Luke’s affairs.’
Flora sent him a sharp look. ‘I would not thank you if you attempted to do so on my behalf.’ She folded her hands in her lap. ‘I am resigned to my future and have no need of a husband.’ She sighed as she swiped at yet another tear. ‘Take no notice of my mercurial mood. I shall be myself again directly.’
‘There’s no need to apologise. If you knew how often I have ranted and raved and railed against the lot fate dealt me—despite the fact that I have no one but myself to blame for the way things turned out. Magda had that sort of hold on me.’
‘I have met her and I can understand why.’
‘You have?’ Archie raised a brow. ‘I was not aware.’
‘She tried to get her hooks into Luke, albeit through devious means, and I was able to save him from falling into that trap. Perhaps I will tell you about that as well, one day.’
‘Magda is like a poisonous flower; beautiful but deadly. As a young man, I was besotted. With maturity, I hope I have more sense.’
