Page 51 of A Sense of Turmoil
‘No, not at all.’
He walked into the room and closed the door behind him, noticing that she had a handkerchief screwed up in her hand and that her eyes were red-rimmed. Dear God, she had been crying!
‘Whatever is the matter?’ he asked, crouching beside her. ‘Why are you crying?’
‘Crying?’ She blinked at him, surprised or perhaps embarrassed by the question. ‘Oh, it’s nothing,’ she said, recovering quickly but looking fragile and insecure. ‘Take no notice of me. I am just being silly.’
Her words, naturally, assured Ottilie of his full attention. He noticed that crying made absolutely no difference to her beauty. In fact it enhanced it. He would be the luckiest man in England if she accepted his proposal, which made him wonder why he felt so hollow inside as he contemplated making it. Even at the height of his anger at Flora’s interfering ways, he still felt passionately attracted to her. It was odd, but no doubt he would recover, given time.
‘I very much doubt that it’s nothing. Tell me what troubles you,’ he said, sitting beside her and speaking softly. ‘Has someone overset you?’
‘No, I cannot. It wouldn’t be fair. You already have your poor grandmother to worry about. Please excuse me. I was not expecting you to join me here, otherwise I would have…’
‘It’s perfectly understandable if you feel isolated. I have been remiss in neglecting you.’
‘Oh no!’ She reached across and touched his hand. ‘You have been so very kind, taking us in when you have so much else to worry about. I don’t want to add to your burden.’
‘You could never do that,’ Luke replied. ‘Things must seem very strange for you at present. You have been away for so long, and you have grown up unaccustomed to English ways.’
‘Yes, that’s true.’ A tear trickled down one cheek, making her appear vulnerable and stirring Luke’s protective instincts, if not his passions. ‘Be assured that I didn’t mean to cross any boundaries.’
Luke was now very curious as to the reasons for her distress. ‘I am perfectly sure that you did not.’
‘Miss Latimer—’
‘She has done something to overset you?’ Luke asked sharply.
‘Oh no. She has been very kind, and I am absolutely sure that I am the one at fault. I am sorely in need of a friend, you see. I feel so alone here and so I applied to Flora and she said that she would happily be that friend, but I have told you that already. Anyway, I thought this morning that I would visit her and see the countess again before…well, you know.’
She lowered her gaze and long, curling lashes guarded her disappointingly small eyes—the only aspect of her features that Luke found regrettable. But he simply refused to compare Ottilie’s eyes to those of another young lady, whose violet orbs habitually gleamed with passion, intelligence and sometimes unmitigated mischief. Most recently, swirling anger.
‘I find it hard to know what to do to occupy my time, Lord Swindon.’ She clasped a small hand to her cheek. ‘Not that I am complaining. Your hospitality has been most generous, especially given the circumstances with the countess. My difficulty is that I don’t know anyone in the district. George is out most of the day making the arrangements for us to move into Denby Lodge, and I find that time hangs heavily on my hands.’ She paused to blow her nose and Luke dispassionately noticed that she managed that utilitarian motion with delicately. ‘However, well…I am sure she meant nothing by it. Flora is obviously very devoted to the countess and it must be difficult for her.’
‘What did she do?’ Luke asked, striving for patience, thinking the explanation needlessly elongated.
‘She wouldn’t let me across the threshold. She said that the countess was sleeping and couldn’t be disturbed, but…well, I know she was not because I could hear her voice in the background.’
‘When did this happen?’ Luke asked.
‘Why, just a few minutes ago. That is why you caught me off-guard. If I’d had time to recover from feeling rejected, then I wouldn’t have created trouble for anyone by mentioning the matter. I haven’t seen hide nor hair of Flora these past few days. She has been with the countess the entire time. We haven’t even passed on the stairs, and I looked forward to spending half an hour in her company, but it was not to be.’
Luke nodded. ‘I am sorry you were overset,’ he replied, taking her hand in his. Unbeknown to Ottilie, she had just made Luke’s mind up for him. Such a demonstration of Flora’s petty-mindedness both surprised and angered him. Thoughts of her comments regarding his father’s behaviour sealed the matter. ‘We have not known one another for very long,’ he continued, finding it hard to force the words past the lump in his throat as he closed his eyes against Flora’s accusing expression conjured up in his imagination, ‘and yet our parents were intimate. I have developed an attachment towards you since having you here as my guest, and I should be greatly honoured if you would agree to become my wife.’
There, he had said it. Hardly the most romantic proposal, but the words were out and he couldn’t take them back. Ottilie would accept him and that would be that. His fate was sealed and he felt thoroughly miserable.
Ottilie’s eyes widened, the tears long gone. Then a beatific smile spread across her lovely face. ‘Why, Lord Swindon, this is quite a surprise.’
‘It’s Luke, and if you require time to consider my proposal.’Please say that you do.‘I appreciate that I have surprised you, perhaps because I have not shown you the attention you deserve. That is only because my grandmother…’
‘I understand entirely. Of course she must be your first consideration.’
‘I need hardly add that I can offer you the protection of my name and a comfortable life as my countess.’ He could not bring himself to tell her that he loved her because he did not. But love would come, he had to believe it.
‘I have hoped, dreamed of receiving your proposal ever since I first saw you in Boston, looking so authoritative. I fell in love with you then, but never dreamed…’
Her words trailed off and she looked expectantly up at him. He knew he ought to offer her a similar reassurance regarding eternal love, but he couldn’t find the words or the will to utter them. ‘I hope that is your way of accepting my proposal,’ he said, smiling but feeling like a condemned man.
‘Yes, Luke. I thank you for your proposal and accept it with gladness in my heart.’
