Page 29 of Corrupted Memories
My phone buzzes where Sebastian must have left it on the nightstand, and I stare at it with trepidation. I can guess who is trying to get a hold of me, and I glance around the room, expecting to see cameras. I can’t find them, but knowing Sebastian’s paranoia, they have to be there. I stiffen and glare at the sheets. Or maybe his paranoia is rubbing off on me, and now I’m suspicious of being watched because he went through all the hassle of getting me here, only to leave me alone in the morning. I shake my head, hating how twisted my mind is already.
Getting out of the soft bed, I move to the ensuite’s bathroom and take way longer than I care to confess to get the shower working. Whatever happened to the simple turn of a handle, I’ll never know.
I smell his shampoo, letting myself sink in the familiar scent and the nostalgia of our memories wrapped in it. The way he used to hold me tight while fucking me against the tiles. How there was barely room to move in that tiny dorm shower stall, but he always managed to wrap me up perfectly. A smile forms on my lips when I see the brands I used to use in college. It’s been a few years since I bought them, determined to leave everything behind. My heart pinches when I open and use them, feeling younger but older at the same time. God, what I would give to live the last six years over again, knowing what I know now.
When I’m done, I move into the closet, selfishly enjoying the luxury of it all. I always expressed wanting a large walk-in closet and massive kitchen, and I’m surprised Sebastian kept that in mind. I put on the most comfy loungewear set I can find, not needing to impress anyone.
Opening the drawers, I rummage through his clothes and find nothing of interest. I pick up the bottle of cologne on the dresser, sniffing it gently, and raise an eyebrow. It’s not the same as before, but dare I admit it’s an improvement? I’ve always lovedthe spicy citrus, and this is similar but richer, and blended perfectly with a very vague hint of something sweet.
I move to the bedroom, continuing my snooping in the nightstand and pause when I see his side has an unopened box of condoms, lube, and a shiny pair of handcuffs. My heart beats a little faster at the sight of them, remembering the way he’d restrain me with soft silk ties. It seems he’s moved on to sturdier options. Slamming the drawer shut, I try not to think about him using them on other women. I have no right to get upset if he has. I’ve held no ownership of him for years. Even if the idea of him touching someone else burns through me like a poison.
“How can you be possessive over someone you fought like hell to escape?” I mutter to myself while shaking my head. I need to leave the bedroom before I hurt myself further with baseless thoughts or scenarios.
Walking into the empty hallway, I call out a meek hello to determine if I’m truly alone. It’s quiet, but I’m not dumb enough to try the door and leave. Sebastian probably has an alarm set if I even get close. I turn the opposite way from which we came in last night, since I know it will lead to a kitchen and an open living room.
Two open doors lead to what seem to be guest rooms, and I venture to the second floor to find more bedrooms and a library. I abandon the search for his office, smiling at the bookshelves lining the walls with an oversized lounge chair nestled up against a window. My fingertips drag across the spines, gasping when I find a whole shelf of what was my favorite author in college. Sebastian has bought every single book she’s ever written, and my hand itches to pick one up and dive back into the fantasy world. My willpower wilts and I grab the book, tucking it under my arm as I move back downstairs to get some food. I’ll save the spying for another day.
I manage to find enough food in the fridge to make a parfait and carry it around, looking for a good place to read. Right off the kitchen I stop short at the bright view of Lake Michigan from the living room windows. It’s gorgeous and brings a smile to my face before I let out a gasp when I take in the spacious balcony.
To my surprise the door is unlocked. I assume he trusts he’s not so dreadful that I no longer value my life. I immediately sink into one of the cushy lounge chairs facing the lake, placing the book at my side. It’s a bit chilly, and I’m glad I threw on a hoodie and sweats before snooping. Tilting my face to soak up the sun, I inhale deep breaths of the fresh air. Even if it’s technically still a cage, it feels marvelous to beoutside without a care or worry. I can’t remember the last time I was able to just… be.
I relax into the chair, finish my food, and then just lie there and rest, wanting to enjoy the moment while it lasts. I’m not sure how long I stay like that, abandoning my book every few chapters to watch the water and city below. It’s not until a soft knock interrupts that I realize how at peace I feel. I turn to look at a young woman standing at the door staring back at me. She looks around my age, her black hair hangs in large curls down her back, and her tight-fitting jeans and shirt make me second-guess the reason she’s here.
“Mr. James wishes for you to get dressed. He’s taking you to dinner.” There’s no missing the hint of jealousy in her snide tone, and my eyebrows furrow.
“I’m sorry, but who are you?”
A smirk pulls on her lips. “I’m whatever Mr. James requires me to be.”
I grit my teeth, hating the way her sudden appearance sweeps away my peace and replaces it with self-doubt. Pushing off the chair, I nod. “Right, thanks. You can tell Mr. James that I don’t want to go to dinner with him.” Walking past her, I pause to stare directly into her eyes. “Can you pass one more message along too? Tell him to go fuck himself.”
She gasps, and I storm in the opposite direction of the bedroom. I can’t name the sinking feeling in my stomach, or maybe I don’t want to. If he wants me to go to dinner, he can summon me himself. I pause, remembering my phone charging on the nightstand and wondering if he texted me. Then I shake my head, scoffing at myself for even giving him the benefit of the doubt.
Walking down the hallway, I open the door to the right and my mouth drops open. It’s set up like a movie theater with a large projector screen hanging on the wall, but instead of individual seats, there’s a lounging couch. On the opposite wall of the screen, there are multiple fridges and a bar full of snacks and popcorn. I grin like a child, grabbing a few boxes of candy and a can of soda before crawling onto the couch.
The remote is lying on the cushions as I settle into place and turn on the large screen. I’m glad it’s simple because outside of my phone and laptop, I’m not big on technology. I almost click on my favorite streaming platform when a file labeledAnnacatches my eye in the corner. My heart jumps, beating wildly as I try to gather the courage to click on it. After calming my breathing, I scroll over and click, gasping when I see the large amount of videos in the folder. An embarrassed flush works up my neck and cheeks when I see a fewhome videosI’d let Sebastian film while wewere together. I’m almost flattered he’s kept them all this time.
I quickly move past those and click on one of the normal looking videos, frowning when I realize it’s from a camera placed somewhere in my dorm room. He must have planted it when I wasn’t there one day. I never knew it was there. An angry vein pulses in my temple, even if it’s from years ago. All he had to do was ask, and I probably would have allowed him to install it. That’s how in love with him I was. God, there probably are cameras in the bedroom and I wasn’t being a paranoid psycho, just my good ole intuition calling it like it is.
“What’s this?”Sebastian’s deep voice echoes on screen.
I watch myself hop onto my mattress, holding a single cupcake and a wrapped present. My tongue tingles as my mouth dries. My heart works overtime when I realize what night it is.
“Your birthday, silly. I can sing for you too if you want.”
“No, this is enough.”
“Oh, shoot. I forgot the lighter in the bathroom. Hold on.”
Sebastian takes the cupcake from me as I toss the present on the bed. I’d kept my candles in the bathroom out of an irrational fear of one droppingonto the carpet and starting a fire. My breath catches when I take in his face, a look I’ve never seen before. On screen, Sebastian wipes a single tear from the corner of his eye as he takes a deep breath and glances at the present. A small smile graces his lips and when I walk back over, his eyes flicker up to me, the love in them shining abundantly clear. I’d missed it back then because I’d been messing with the lighter, and by the time I met his stare, he was back to his usual stoic self.
Tears blur my vision as I press my hand to my mouth, suppressing the threatening sob, watching the memory of the past with new eyes. Back then I was insecure in our relationship; I always wondered how he felt about me when he could have anyone on campus. And believe me, there were plenty of girls throwing themselves at him even when I was right by his side. Sebastian never gave them the time of day, but I also came up with excuses for why he was ignoring them and spending time with me.
I wish past me could have seen this look; it would have saved her many nights of tears. I questioned everything from that point forward in my life because how could I love the man so wholeheartedly when he couldn’t even admit it to either of us? And then to find out he’s a murderer on top of that, my sense of judgment went out the window. I let my brother take over my life with ease, trusting what he felt was best over my own wants and needs.
Finding out that Sebastian has kept all these moments does something to me. I’ve spent so much time running away, and the main purpose of coming here was to find closure. Instead, I feel like I opened the door wider.
Chapter 12
