Page 79 of Make Me Bleed
“You had to ask?—”
“Because you’re a whore, Abel! Of course, I had to ask! But I took your answer as the truth, didn’t I? And doesn’t that mean I fucking trust you?” My heart is pounding in my chest—for more than one reason. The conversation itself, the possibility that Abel might actually quit. The probability that we could be more…
I can’t handle this.
I wasn’t ready for this when I followed him to that fucking laundromat.
“See,” he snipes. “You only see me as a fucking whore.”
“You cheated on me,” I tell him bluntly, and his face pales, devoid of all color. “You went to that room with that man, and you fucked him when you weremine.You did that knowing what we were, and you didn’t care what it did to me.You said I was no one.That broke my fucking heart, Abel. But I still needed you.I still fucking needed you.And then, you left me. You… you fucking left without a word. Left me to deal with all this shit alone, and I did what I needed to do to survive. So, I’m sorry that the only way I can think of what you do is in the most literal sense of the goddamn word.”
By the time I’ve finished, my chest is heaving, and my stomach is curdling with the urge to vomit. I’m barely able tochoke it back, but I can’t look Abel in the eyes. If I do, I’ll break, and I refuse to cry in front of him ever again.
“You weren’t the only one who did what they needed to survive,” Abel croaks after what feels like forever. “I know I fucked up, Peris. And I’m not excusing what I did. I know I hurt you, and I’ll forever hate myself for it. I didn’t want to, if you can believe that. I didn’t want to sell my body again, but I neededout.Lucy’s boyfriend was going to hurt me, and I had to leave.”
“Why didn’t you come to me? Or to Ma? We could’ve helped you,” I plead, knowing it’s too late but unable to shake the inevitable hurt.
“It’s like I told you already, Peris. You couldn’t have saved me. There was nothing either of you could have done. I had to save myself, and I did. I don’t regret that. But I do regret hurting you and Elise to get free. I never wanted that.”
“There had to have been another way…” I mutter, shaking my head in denial.
Abel sighs loudly. “Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t know, but back then, I didn’t really have the time to contemplate all the fucking choices. There really weren’t any. You knew what it was like for me. And I did what I thought I had to. I’ve always been a survivor.”
“And now? Why are you still doing it now?”
“Mo.”
“Mo…”
Abel blows out a breath, and I settle myself for the story. Of finally getting some fucking answers. “The girl I was in a home with when we were younger. A pretty bad one. We were molested. We got taken out and separated, and I lost her. About seven months after I ran away, I was finally able to find her. She…” He chokes on his words, and I reach across the counter and grab his hand. I squeeze, and Abel’s eyes find mine. They’re bloodshot and wet, and I give him a soft, encouraging smile.
“She tried to kill herself but failed. She now lives with a traumatic brain injury in a long-term health care facility because she’ll never be able to care for herself again. I work—and I save—in case she needs anything, ever. I don’t want her to go without ever again, and I’ll do what I can to make sure that happens.That’swhy I’ve been seeing clients. It’s the most lucrative, and I wanted to get as much saved as I could. I can’t let her down again.”
“Jesus Christ,” I mutter and run my fingers through my hair as I drop my head between my shoulders. Out of all the things I expected to come out of his mouth, something so… soselflesswas not one of them.
“Who are you?” I ask faintly as I stare at Abel, and he shrugs as he takes a sip of his tea. I follow the bob of his throat as he swallows, and I bite back my own desire to sink my teeth into his sharp Adam’s apple.
“I’m the same person I’ve always been, Peris. You just never tried to see the real me.”
You wouldn’t let me,I almost say. “I see you now,” I croak instead as I look into his eyes, and I do.
I finally see him. Abel Silver in all his messy, disturbing, fucked up madness.
And I want him still.
CHAPTER 20
ABEL
He’s lookingat me like he…fuck.Like he loves me.
I can’t stand it.
I force my eyes away, and I stare down at the counter because when I look at him, I see much more than I should. More than Ican.And when I do, I start playing crazy scenarios in my head, and I start caring about things that cannot possibly happen…
“Look at me,” he demands, and my breath gets caught in my throat. He doesn’t fucking get it. Ican’t.
Looking at him makes me want to die in the best, most tragic way. Because I would—for him. And I think he knows it.
