Page 99 of For Wrath and Redemption
“Yeah. It was her.”
He shakes his head. “I fucking knew you fucked her.”
I turn to face him and lean on the sink. I smirk. “Actually, Tor, I thinkshefuckedme.”
Now he laughs. “Not that I’m the poster child for good decisions, but do you think this is wise? I mean, she works for your dad. She’s literally hired to help you. Could be risky.”
I shrug and brush past him. I don’t bother telling him everything. I haven’t quite processed the whole thing myself, and some of it doesn’t feel like my story to tell. But he’s my best friend, so I give him as much as I can.
“It might not be wise, but it’s happening. I don’t want to stop it.”
I walk back into the room and step into a pair of boxer briefs. No way I’m washing the scent of her off now. I’m keeping it until I can have her again. And God help her, it had better be soon.
27
CLAIRE
Jonah makes it to soundcheck.
I knew he would. I’m not ready to see him, though, so I hide out in the girls’ dressing room. I half expect him to come looking for me, but he doesn’t, and I’m grateful.
Truth be told, I’m embarrassed. I’ve never, ever, done something like that before, and I’m shocked by how much I enjoyed it. I also feel a little remorseful for leaving him like that. I have to keep reminding myself that he did worse to me. I could have done so much worse to him. At least I didn’t say cruel things to him. At least I didn’t break his heart and leave him to sit in his own self-loathing. At least I didn’t?—
I shake my head. I can’t do this. If I’m to really try with Jonah, I have to be able to move past what he did and said in Madrid. People do cruel things when they’re hurting. Jealousy and anger are a volatile combination. I should know. I believe him when he says he’s sorry. I’ve chosen to believe him.
I sink back into the couch and close my eyes. The muffled music from soundcheck filters through the door, and instinctively I try to pick out the lead guitar. Then I groan.
I’ve always been one to fall hard, and always for the wrong reasons. For the wrongmen. Admittedly, in the past, it hasn’t taken much to gain my affection. A well-timed compliment. A small thing in common. A perceived hint of the promise of forever.
Every single time, I’ve been wrong. Every single time, I ended up used and discarded.
The boy I loved in high school only wanted me for my body. The man I loved in college only wanted me for my connection to my best friend. And Conrad...Well, with Conrad, deep down, I knew he wasn’t who I wanted him to be. I gave him almost a year of my life, anyway.
I can’t help but wonder what I’m missing with Jonah. I can’t help but anticipate the moment it’s revealed what a naïve decision it was to give in to this connection. I didn’t make the choice to fall for him. I have, however, made the choice to pursue it.
I try to revert my train of thought toward work. I reach for my phone and pull up Jonah’s social media. The last thing I posted is a carousel from Dublin that includes two pictures from the book sale. It’s gotten millions of likes, and it’s been reposted in dozens of media articles online. A quick search of Jonah’s name brings a smile to my face, too. My personal life might be a shit show, but I am succeeding with this job. It boosts my confidence just enough to make me stupid.
Out of habit, damn near muscle memory, I pull up my ex-best friend’s profile. The very first post makes me gasp. My hand flies to my mouth as my eyes fill with tears. Happiness and sadness. Loss and longing. A deep, deep sense of self-loathing, and a reminder of the worst thing I’ve ever done.
It’s a pregnancy announcement. Nothing flashy or over the top. Just a photo of my brother’s and nephew’s hands resting atop Lennon’s small belly bump.
Family of four coming soon,the caption reads, followed by two blue hearts and two pink hearts.
A baby girl.
With tears streaming down my cheeks and a pained smile on my face, I scroll through the dozens of comments. Well-wishes and congratulations from people in my hometown. There’s a bunch of heart emojis from my mom. My brother’s best friend Chris has postedready for babysitting duty.And then I see a comment that halts my scrolling and steals my breath.
It’s from Samantha, a girl we went to high school with. A girl who is now my ex-best friend’s new best friend. A girl I used to both hate andenvy for how comfortable she seemed in her own skin. For how brave and unapologeticallyhershe was.
Her comment stabs me right in the chest.
Auntie Sam can’t wait to snuggle her!
AuntieSam.
I bet my nephew calls her auntie. I bet the new baby will when she starts talking. I’m sure Lennon and Macon reinforce it. My mom and stepdad probably do, too.
In every single way, she’s replaced me, and I have no one to blame but myself.
