Page 140 of For Wrath and Redemption
“Life partner, but unfortunately not the daddy.”
I laugh as Mabel grins.
“Well, congratulations to you both!” Mabel sends me a wink that has me rolling my eyes as Dr. Giles washes her hands. “So, it looks like you’re almost nine weeks along. Is that right?”
“Yeah, that’s what they tell me.”
Dr. Giles scrolls on a tablet. “We were able to get records from the hospital in Cardiff. It looks like you’d had a fall from dehydration and dizziness.” She looks up at me. “Have you been having any trouble with that since?”
“No. I’ve been making sure to stay very hydrated. Switched up my diet so I’m eating all the nutrient-rich foods, and I’m taking prenatal vitamins.”
Just saying the words has me swelling with pride. It’s been a mucheasier transition than I was worried it would be. I know it’s not like this for everyone. Restarting my therapy sessions with Dr. Clay has helped immensely. She says I’m likely doing well because my concern and attention is on the pregnancy instead of myself. I still have a long way to go, but this is something.
Dr. Giles asks me about any symptoms I’ve been having. No real nausea, but extreme fatigue, some weird cravings, and really lucid, abstract dreams. The questions have me feeling good. Everything is normal. I’m doing a great job. But when the ultrasound tech comes in, guilt starts to creep in.
Jonah should be here for this.
I should have just told him through text. It’s a delicate topic, and at the time, I didn’t want to spring it on him like that, but now I’m worrying that I was wrong.
There’s no guarantee he’d even want to be here, but he should have at least had the option. Instead, I kept it from him.
“Hey.” Mabel puts a hand on my arm. “You okay? You freaking out?”
I shrug, fighting off more tears. “I feel bad. I feel like he should be here. Like, I should have just told him through text or something.”
She smiles softly. “I can record it?”
That perks me up a little. “Yeah. Yeah, thanks. That would be great.”
The tech introduces herself and explains what she’s going to do. I take a deep breath and reach for Mabel’s hand.
“Okay. I’m ready.”
She turns on a monitor, rolls what looks like a giant condom down the ultrasound wand, and then she does what she said she was going to do. It’s...weird. I’m uncomfortable. But when she turns the monitor to me, all of that disappears.
“There you go,” the tech says with a smile.
I stare at the screen, a strange tingling sensation spreading over my body. It’s not a sesame seed anymore. I read it’s the size of a strawberry now. The tech says it’s looking right on track for a nine-week fetus, and I just...
I can’t look away.
I start to cry again, a mixture of sadness and awe. Jonah should be here. Even if I’m mad at him, he should be seeing this, too. This tinyproduct of Madrid. The thoughts overwhelm me. Everything is so overwhelming, and my tears fall faster.
Then Mabel squeezes my hand.
“One time, when I was in, like, second grade, my hamster had babies. It looks kind of like that.”
The tech and I both start laughing, and I look at Mabel.
“Thank you,” I whisper, and she winks at me.
“I got you.”
I believe her.
I feel like I have someone in my corner, and words can’t express just what that means to me. I look back at the monitor, blinking away more tears so I can see the screen clearly, and place my free hand on my stomach.
It’s going to be okay, little strawberry.
