Page 138 of For Wrath and Redemption
A physical, mental, and emotional pain.
Compound that with everything that’s happened over the last few days, and I’m surprised he’s even standing here talking to me. I’m surprised he’s not ripping the bedroom apart or running off to find some other way to silence reality.
I want to hug him again, but I don’t.
I know where this is headed, and I know there’s nothing I can do tostop it. It takes everything in me not to cry. And even though I already know what he’s going to say, I ask anyway.
“What does that mean?”
“I think you were right. I think I just need a break.”
36
CLAIRE
“Are you nervous?”
I nod and blow out a slow breath. I’m naked from the waist down and wrapped in some sort of bedsheet, plus it’s cold in here. Why is it so cold in here?
“Yeah. I’m nervous.”
“Me too.”
I smirk at Mabel. “What are you nervous for?”
“I mean, I’m kind of the daddy in this scenario, so that’s nerve-wracking enough as it is. Plus, I was curious and did an internet search on what to expect. That doctor is going to shove some kind of dildo-shaped camera up your vag.” She throws her hand over her mouth. “Sorry if you didn’t know. Surprise!”
“I know,” I tell her, flaring my eyes. “They told me when I made the appointment.”
“Do you get to find out the sex today? I think if it’s a girl, you should name it Mabel.”
“Not today. It’s too early.” I smile and grab her hand. “Thank you for coming so last minute. I just...” I shrug. “I got scared, I guess.”
“Thank you for asking me to come.” She squeezes my fingers and lowers her voice. “Have you talked to him at all?"
“Not since I left Amsterdam.” I purse my lips and shake my head, a mixture of anger and hurt swell in my chest. “Not for lack of trying, though. I’ve texted and called. Nothing.”
“Damn.” Mabel drags concerned, sympathetic eyes over my face. “For what it’s worth, from what I’ve heard, he’s not back to his usual bullshit. He’s spent the last two and a half weeks with Sav at her place in North Carolina.” She pulls out her phone, scrolls, then holds up a picture. “They took him kayaking.”
I can’t help but smile. He looks happy. He’s grinning in a two-person kayak with Brynn and wearing a blue life jacket. My heart hurts. I want to see that grin in real life, but he “needed a break.”
I try not to dwell on the fact that I don’t know how long his “break” will last, or how angry I am that he’s found me so easy to discard. For all his blustering of love, he certainly doesn’t seem to be able to forgive my past. It didn’t take much convincing for him to believe the worst of me, either.
Why are you here?
Is it the money?
Maybe he thought he loved me, but if that love is conditional, I don’t want it.
“Are you going to tell him?”
I blink out of my thoughts, look back at Mabel, and nod.
“Yeah,” I say on an exhale. “He deserves to know.”
But I just keep hearing his voice over and over.
I’m glad I don’t have kids.
