Page 137 of For Wrath and Redemption
He rocks his head back and forth on his fists then sits up quickly.
“Why are you here?”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“I mean why the fuck are you here with me, Claire? I’m an addict, remember? You called it. I’ve said terrible shit to you. I fucked you just to turn around and call you a home-wrecking whore.”
I flinch again. I feel like I’m getting my ass kicked.
“I know but it’s different now.”
I shake my head and take his hand in mine. When he pulls it from my grip, my stomach clenches. No. No, this isn’t happening.
“Jonah. Everything that happened before is over. We both said some terrible things, but we’re past that. I’m with you because I want to be.”
“Is it the money?”
“Excuse me?”
“He’s got a point, Claire. You went from him to me, and we have nothinggoodin common. Just the money.”
My mouth drops open. I’m blindsided.
“Jonah, I do not want your money. I don’t care about it at all. If I wanted money, I’d have stayed with your dad.”
“But he wouldn’t marry you.”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” I stand from the couch and fold my arms over my chest. “After everything, you think I’m here because of money? Because, I swear to God, Jonah, there are much easier ways to make money than putting up with you and your fucking father.”
He huffs out a laugh, even though I wasn’t joking, then he shakes his head.
“I meant it when I said I wouldn’t care. You want to get knocked up and take me for all I’m worth? I don’t care. I just want to know.”
I have to blink away the sting of tears. I resist the urge to put my hand on my stomach. How can I tell him now?Oh, by the way, Iamknocked up, but I swear it’s not for your money despite what you and your father have both said multiple times.And after last night when he said how glad he is that he doesn’t have kids.
I don’t want to think of all the ways I could fuck them up.
I try to force away any regrets, any thoughts of mistakes, but I can’t.
Nothing good came out of that bedroom in Madrid. Nothing.
“Fuck you, Jonah.”
I turn to walk away, to go I don’t even know where, but he stands and grabs my arm to stop me.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. My head’s just...My head’s a fucking mess, Claire. I’m overwhelmed and not thinking clearly, and I just...”
He pulls me into a hug, and I let him. I sink into his hold and press my ear to his chest. I listen to his heartbeat. Everything is going to be fine. I love him. I know he loves me. It’s all just happening at once, and it’s overwhelming. We’re broken, but we’ll heal together.
We’re going to be fine.
“I just need some space.”
I freeze, then step back. I hold his eyes. The sadness in them guts me. He looks tortured. I can’t even imagine how painful this has been for him. For someone who keeps so much to himself, he’s been completely exposed in a gruesome way.
I think back to what Macon said this morning.
Getting sober was like being skinned alive.
