Page 79 of Of Heartbreak and Harmony
“You’re up early.” I make a show of checking the time on my phone. It’s a little after six in the morning, and Ezra usually sleeps until noon. “Where have you been?”
He bounces his eyebrows playfully.
“You want the short answer or the long, dirty, detailed answer?”
“Ew. No. Never mind.”
“I was naked in a camper with three?—”
“I said no, Ezra! No, no, no.”
“I got to hit it from?—”
“No!”
I punctuate my shout by landing a punch to his upper arm, and he barks out a laugh, then steals my breakfast sandwich. He takes a bite and speaks with his mouth full.
“Still a virgin, then.”
Ezra elbows Becket like he’s trying to razz him, but Becket shoves him back and storms off. I watch him go, my brow furrowing and my tongue turning to cement in my mouth.
“The fuck is wrong with you?” Rocky juts out his foot, kicking Ezra in the thigh.
“It was a joke!”
“It’s not funny.” Rocky looks at me. “You think it’s funny, Cal?”
Ezra turns remorseful eyes in my direction. He can tell from my face that not only am I unamused, I’m also angry. One drunken game ofNever Have I Evera few months ago inSan Francisco,and the guys all know about my absolute lack of experience. I trusted them, and now Ezra is making fun of me.
“I don’t find it funny at all, Ez.”
Ezra’s shoulders fall and he throws himself onto the bench beside me, pulling me into a hot, sticky hug. “Sorry, Calla Lily.”
“Ugh, you’re forgiven. Now get off.”
I shove him, and he laughs. Then I laugh, but it’s forced. My eyes keep drifting in the direction of Becket’s exit. He’s nowhere to be seen.
“Beck’s mad at me,” I say, taking a sip of my iced latte.
The guys don’t say anything, and that doesn’t help to ease my inner turmoil. I’m struggling with Becket’s mood. He’s pissed we haven’t had any alone time, and I get that. We had all these implied plans, and I’ve basically ghosted him three nights in a row. I’ve put us on ice, too, and he can tell.
I feel guilty. I feelreallyguilty.
And the shittiest part about it all?
Despite my guilt, I still can’t stop thinking about last night with Torren. More specifically, how to get ado-overof last night with Torren. He walked me to my tent in silence, then told mesweet dreamsbefore disappearing back into the crowd.
Nosee you later. Nomeet me tomorrow. Justsweet dreamsand a goodbye nod.
My sense of rejection battles violently with my logical reasoning.
I should be grateful for his actions last night because the truth is that Iwasuncomfortable. I was nervous and overwhelmed and anxious and, yes, uncomfortable. There’s a good chance that anythingmorewith Torren would have left me feeling regretful in the morning, simply because I wasn’t in the mindset to enjoy it. It doesn’t make the memory sting any less, though. I almost wish I’d have taken him up on his offer of a drink and a smoke. At least then the replay loop in my head would be hazy.
“Who wants to do goat yoga with me?” Ezra asks, studying something on his phone. “It’s in thirty minutes.”
“Probably trying to get it done early to beat the heat,” Pike adds, and I huff a laugh.
“It’s already eighty.”
