Page 124 of Of Heartbreak and Harmony
I smirk. “I didn’t hear moaning.”
That gets a little half grin out of him before his face grows stern again. “How was it?”
I sigh and sit on the side of his bed. “About how it always is, except this time she had company.”
“No shit? Sean?”
“Sean.”
“Fuck. He still a bitter asshole?”
“What do you think?”
Jonah grows quiet for a moment before I feel him sit up, the bed dipping from the movement. When I look at him, he’s looking right at me.
“You did the right thing. We all did.”
I roll my eyes. “I know. I’ve never doubted that.”
“Bullshit. You’ve felt guilty about it every year since we were signed. But we wouldn’t have gotten where we are if we’d kept Sean around, and you know it.”
I close my eyes and drag a hand through my hair. He’s right. I know he is. About all of it. Kicking Sean out of the band was the right move, but I also feel guilty as hell for it.
“Sometimes I wonder if he’d have ended up in prison if we’d let him stay with us.”
Jonah’s sardonic grin makes my stomach twist. “You think three directionless druggies and a self-loathing bisexual would have kept him from being a violent creep?”
I mean, when he puts it that way...
I don’t respond, and he sighs, his irritation evident. He’s tired of having this conversation with me. Truthfully, I’m tired of it too. But it doesn’t make me need it any less.
“I fucking mean it, Torren. We were a sinking fucking ship for years. No way we could have been watching after Sean, too. He’d have done something terrible, and he’d have fucked us over while doing it.”
I take a deep breath and stare at the wall, running his words through my head. Then I furrow my brow. “Mabel wasn’t self-loathing.”
“She was, dumbass. For a long time after Crystal cheated on her, Mabes hated herself and all of us, too. You were just too far up Sav’s ass to notice anything but your own pathetic obsession.”
I snort. “Fuck me, what a mess.”
“Yep. But look on the bright side. Mabel doesn’t hate herself anymore, and you and Savannah aren’t druggies. Woo-hoo for Therapy Thursday. Another win for Savvy.”
I don’t miss the way he only mentioned me and Sav. Not himself. That heightens my anxiety for a whole different reason. I know he thinks he’s a lost cause. I have a feeling if Sav wasn’t having everyone watch him so closely, he’d be doing a lot worse than drinking and smoking. He’d be backsliding. It’s got me wondering how much longer we have until he stops trying to keep his footing and just gives in to the fall.
“And how is Therapy Thursday going for you?” I ask tentatively.
Jonah groans. He’s been against the practice since Sav implemented it a year ago. All four of us meet with a personal therapist via video chat for an hour on the first Thursday of the month. No matter what country we’re in, we do it. Sav, Mabel, and me are pretty committed to it. But Jonah? He just does it to keep from being sent back to rehab.
“My shrink is a bitch.”
“You’re just pissed she won’t have video chat sex with you.”
He shrugs. “Potato tomato.”
“Has it helped, though? At all?”
He sighs and falls back on his pillow. “Yeah. It has.”
“Good.” I nod decidedly, and then he grows quiet once more.
