Page 62 of Between Never and Forever
Not all of it, certainly. Not the ice baths or the IV drips. Not the drugs or the paparazzi. Not the absolute nonexistence of privacy and free time.
But this?
The way my songs sound when sung back to me 20,000 voices strong. The way the stage lights heat my sweat-slicked skin, making it sparkle. The lime green bra hanging from my mic stand that someone threw on stage. The giant posterboard sign that readsSav Loveless, You Saved My Lifebeaming at me from the lower bowl seating area. In the front row of the pit, there’s a little girl with bright pink noise cancelling headphones sitting on the shoulders of an older man, and her t-shirt saysThe Hometown Heartless #1 Fan.
This? I think I’ll miss it.
Part of me already does.
“As always, you’ve been absolutely beautiful. The Garden has always been one of our favorite places to play.” I glance over my shoulder at Mabel. “Isn’t that right, Mabes?”
She pounds out a beat in agreement, and I send her a wink before looking back at the crowd.
“Thank you for always making us feel welcomed. For always bringing the energy. For making every single fucking show a memorable one.”
I swallow back a lump of emotion I didn’t expect when the audience starts to chant, “Just one more. Just one more.” It’s more than just our first hit song. It’s more than just our debut album.
It’s a plea.
One more song. One more show. One moreyear.
The chant started in Atlanta, right after our announcement that this tour would be our last. It’s gotten louder and louder since. But tonight, when it’s our actual last show until god knows when, it’s damn near deafening. I can feel my organs rattle with the force of the emotion they’ve tossed behind their words.
I smile as tears start to well, and I strum out the opening chord to “Just One More,” laughing when the chants turn into screams and whistles. I’ve already played that song tonight, but there’s no doubt in my mind that I could play it again and they’d sing along just as passionately.
“From the bottom of our hearts, New York, we will never forget you. Even though this might be goodnight...”
“It’s not goodbye!” the crowd shouts back, and I laugh.
“But just in case, so you don’t forget us, we’ve got Mabel on drums, Jonah on guitar, Torren on bass, my name’s Sav Loveless, and we are The Hometown Heartless. Thank you so much foralwaysshowing up to rock with us, New York. We love you. Have a great night.”
The crowd roars as the stage lights dim. I take off my guitar and hand it off to a guy in all black, then snatch the set list off the floor.
I walk to the edge of the stage, untying the black sequined scarf from around my waist, then gestured to Red to come help me down. I’d told him after the first song to make sure the little girl and her dad don’t go anywhere, and he’s already pulled them aside. Red grabs my hand and steadies me as I jump off the raised platform, and when I turn to the little girl, she has big fat tears streaming down her face.
“Oh, baby girl, don’t cry,” I say with a smile, crouching down to my knees so I’m at eye level with her. “What’s your name?”
“Jessica,” she hiccups out, wiping away some of her tears with her hands. Her dad reaches down and runs his hand down the back of her curly red hair. “I’m six.”
“Hey Jessica. My name is Sav. I love your shirt. Did you make it yourself?”
“Yes! My daddy helped. And I have this, too.”
She lifts up the necklace she’s wearing with pride, and I have to force back more tears. It’s a pink plastic string tied to a little heart-shaped padlock; the kind you’d find attached to a child’s diary.
“I love that,” I say, grabbing my own padlock and lifting it to show off the similar necklace that I’m wearing. Sometimes I forget that it’s even there. “Did you enjoy the show?”
She nods, sniffling and leaning into her father.
“I’m so happy you came tonight, Jessica. You made my last show very special, and I wanted to give you something. Is that okay?”
“Yes. Yes, it is.”
The excitement that takes over her face, her chubby little cheeks and bright green eyes, fill me with warmth. Her tears haven’t stopped falling, but she’s smiling so big that my heart squeezes.
This. I will definitely miss this.
I hold my hand out to Red and he slaps a black marker into it. I use it to autograph the set list and hand that to her. Then I take my scarf and drape it over her shoulders. She squeals, and I wink before taking her hand and pressing one of my guitar picks into her palm.
