Page 14 of Between Never and Forever
I hate this.
I hate this life. I hate Terry and my mom. I hate Levi’s mom. I hate this pile of shit I was born in. It’s not fair. I’m not bad. I’m not evil. None of this is my fault. I hate that everyone treats me like it is. I hate that I’m starting to think I deserve it.
I hate everything.
Will I survive three more years? Is Levi right? Will Terry kill me?
Do I even care?
I pull myself onto the toilet seat and drop my spinning head between my knees. I try to slow my breathing. Try to stop my chaotic, strangled sobs. I don’t know how long it takes before I finally calm down, but I don’t move from the position until my body is no longer shaking, and then I sit up slowly.
I run my clammy hands up and down my thighs, bringing feeling back into my fingers, and then I stand. I let myself out of the bathroom stall and step in front of the grimy mirror. My eyes well back up with tears when I see Terry’s blood smeared on my face, but I don’t let them fall. Instead, I focus my attention on the nasty bruise that’s forming on my cheek and the way the swelling makes my eye squint. Without looking away from the bruise, I pull a wad of paper towels out of the dispenser, wet them with water, and scrub my face clean.
4
“Aren’t you hungry, honey?”Mom asks from across the dining table. “Pork chops are your favorite.”
I shrug, but I don’t answer. She’s kissing up to me because she knows I’m mad at her, but I don’t care.
“Levi,” my dad says on an irritated exhale, “you’re acting like a child. Show your mother some respect.”
I sit up straight and look from him to my mom and back.
“Helping Savannah would be the right thing to do,” I say, and my mom’s pleading face switches to something more menacing.
I know bringing it up again will make her angry. She threatened to whoop me this morning when I wouldn’t let up, but I don’t care. I don’t care how many verses she makes me copy or how many whacks I get with the belt. Savannah needs to get out of that house.
She needs to get someplace safe. I won’t stop until she does.
“Would you cool it about that girl?” Mom snaps. “What happens in that house is none of our business—”
“He is hitting her!”
“Do not raise your voice at me,” she yells, then stands quickly and starts clearing dishes from the table. I take a breath and try again without shouting.
“He hits her, and he hits her mom, too.”
“Well, that’s what happens when you choose that kind of lifestyle,” Mom says dismissively.
It’s the same thing she told me this morning. Along with a bunch of crap about God’s Will and how Savannah should learn to pray.
“Savannahdidn’t choose that lifestyle, Mom. It’s not her fault.” I look toward my father. He’s cutting into his pork chop with his eyes fixed on his plate.
“Dad,” I plead, “isn’t it our job to look out for each other? Isn’t ityourjob?”
“It is not our place to meddle in the affairs of others,” my dad says slowly. He brings a forkful to his mouth, chews, and swallows. “Proverbs 26:17.A person who is passing by and meddles in a quarrel that's not his is like one who grabs a dog by the ears.”
He never once looks up from his dinner, and I clench my fists at my sides.
“This isn’t meddling in a random quarrel,” I argue. “It’s doing what’s right. It’s protecting Savannah. He’s going to kill—"
My mom slams a plate onto the table, cutting me off.
“That. Is. Enough.”
Her words are clipped and angry, and her neck and face have turned a bright red.
“That is the last I will hear you speak of Savannah Shaw, Levi. Your father and I are doing our best to raise you to be a godly man, and I will not let that girl ruin it. She’s rotten and wicked. That whole family is no good, and if I so much as hear you whisper her name, there will be consequences. Do you understand me, Levi? You will be punished.”
