Page 110 of Between Never and Forever
I’ll design every inch of it just for you, he’d said once.Only for you.
I stop in front of a framed picture hanging on the wall. It’s Brynn and Julianna. Levi’s once who became his one. Brynn is tiny in the picture, maybe four or five years old, and they’re sitting on the rope swing hanging from the large tree in the front yard. Julianna looks thinner than I remember, but she’s smiling brightly with Brynnlee on her lap.
I’ll design every inch of it just for you.
I guess he took that promise and gave it to someone else.
I feel jealous, even though I know I have no right to be. This is his family. His daughter. The mother of his child. He made the right decision by choosing them. By making them his priority. I don’t yet know what happened to Julianna but judging from this picture—a picture I’m sure Levi took—she was happy and loved.
I tear my eyes away and trail after Brynn as she starts to give me a mini tour.
“You’ve already seen the kitchen and the deck. This is the foyer. This is a dining room that we literally never use. This is a sitting room that we also literally never use. This is the living room, we use this all the time, and it’s usually open to the kitchen, but they put all these walls up for your movie.”
I nod and pretend to listen, trying like hell to reset my mood as Brynn blazes through the house. She stops at the foot of a large staircase, so I stop with her.
“The music room is down that hall, but do you want to see my room first?”
She gestures up the stairs, and I follow the movement. There’s a cut-out banister that gives me a view of another wall full of pictures, and while I want to go inspect it, I don’t think I can handle it just yet. I’ve known this is Levi’s house for all of two minutes, and I’m already shook to the core.
“What all is up there?”
Brynn ticks things off on her fingers as she answers.
“My room, the guest room, the guest bathroom, my bathroom, the laundry room, the office, and Dad’s room.”
It’s the last one that makes my mind up for me. I definitely am not ready to be that close to Levi’s bedroom. The bedroom he shared with Julianna.
“Maybe later. Let’s head to the music room and get to work.”
Brynn nods and turns around, then skips down a hallway. I follow, keeping my eyes on my feet this time. She turns a corner and opens a door, and then we’re stepping inside what appears to be a sound-proofed room. It’s empty but for a glass-partitioned area that is the perfect size to hold recording and mixing equipment. I blink as I take it in.
“What did you say this is?”
Brynn plops down on the floor and crosses her legs at the ankles.
“Dad calls it the music room.” I stare at her silently, and she bounces her eyebrows at me. “Okay, um, are we going to get started?”
I shake my head to loosen the sand that’s taken over my brain. A music room.Why would Levi put a music room—that looks very much like it’s meant to be a sound studio—in this house he built for his wife and child?
I sit down next to Brynn in a fog, then pull my phone out of my pocket to check how much time we have left on the lunch break. Instead, though, I get distracted by two missed calls and a text. One missed call and a voicemail from Hammond (barf), a missed call from Mabel, and a text from Mabel. I open Mabel’s text first.
Mabes
Hey call me back before you talk to Ham. Talk to me before you even listen to his voicemail. Labels on a rampage. I’ll give you the deets so you don’t pop off on his ass and get yourself in hot water.
My eyes narrow at the screen and my lips purse. I don’t even know what I did, this time. I’ve been on my best behavior. What the hell is Hammond up to now?
How much trouble am I in?
Not much. Just call me before you talk to Ham. I’ll explain.
The fact that Mabel is running interference for me warms my heart more than the idea of Hammond playing games cools my blood. She’s looking out for the band, but it also feels like it’s for me. I still feel like I am the band, and I file that feeling away for later. Despite the irritation, I smile as I type out the thank you text and let her know I’m shooting until late, but I’ll call her as soon as I get a free minute, then I stick my phone back in my pocket.
“Alright, Boss, we’ve got about forty-five minutes before I have to report back. First lesson starts now.”
I set Brynn up with the guitar on her lap and show her how to hold it properly, then I sit across from her and mirror her position. I walk her through how to count the strings and frets and show her proper finger placement for a few chords. She’s the perfect student and every bit Levi’s daughter in how attentively she listens, and how perfectly she carries out each instruction I give. The grin that stretches wide across her face every time her strum sounds exactly like mine is so full of joy, and I feel like I’m reliving a crucial part of my life I’d forgotten.
Learning to play the guitar was thrilling. It was my first taste of freedom. Of control. It was my first healthy outlet, and it was like discovering the sun after a childhood locked in darkness. You’ll hear musicians say it all the time, and it may sound cliché, but it’s one of the truest statements that has ever passed my lips—music saved my life. It gave me a purpose and a direction. It was everything else that came with it that led to my destruction.
