Page 13 of This Life and All the Rest
I have no idea what I’m going to do, and I feel betrayed by everyone. Discarded. At a time when I should have the support of family, I’ve been cast aside in punishment for something I don’t even fully understand.
My dad’s anger, his reaction, was so out of character for him. In those moments before he dropped me off at the airport, he was nothing like the loving, caring father who raised me. He was agitated. Guilty. Uncertain and cold.
I dry myself off as I step out of the shower and wrap the towel around my body.
It’s my second shower today. I might wake up in the middle of the night and take a third. Anything to calm the constant crawling of my skin and sate the constant desire to feelcleanafter weeks of filth. My body doesn’t feel like my own, which makes it harder to be okay.
I’m pulling a pajama shirt over my head when my phone chimes from the app I use for international calls. My breath catches in my throat as I launch myself at my bed.
I’ve blocked everyone. Why is someone calling me?
It’s a video call request, but I don’t recognize the Caller ID. My fingers tremble as I accept the call.
Please be Macon. Please be Macon.
“Oh, thank GOD, you’re alive,” Sam yells from the other end. “I thought that bitch had you locked in the basement or something.”
“What?” I breathe out a confused laugh. “Who?”
“Claire!” she exclaims. “You and Macon both just disappeared, and Claire wouldn’t tell me shit. She’s just being all smug and bitchy, so I threatened to fuck her up, and then I finally cornered your stepmom at her job and shook her down to tell me how to get ahold of you.”
“Wait,” I say quickly. “Macon’s gone, too?”
“Gone. He’s not with you?”
I shake my head slowly and force out the truth.
“I haven’t heard from him since prom...” I whisper as tears start to well in my eyes. “I can’t call him. He won’t return my emails. Claire said he was better off without me.”
“That cunt,” Sam says on a gasp, and I laugh even as I cry. “So, what happened? You’re in England with your aunt? I thought you weren’t leaving until after graduation. Are you coming back? Why the fuck didn’t you tell me? I’ve been freaking out. And what the hell happened to your hair?”
I laugh again and swipe at my tears, then just stare at the screen. I don’t even know where to begin, and that starts me crying all over again.
“Lennon, Jesus, what happened?” Sam whispers, and I shake my head.
“Sam... I fucked up. It’s all so fucked up.”
I cover my face with my hand and drown in the silence. Seconds tick by where she says nothing. The only noise is the faint sound of typing, and my sniffling and small, pathetic whimpers. I hate that I can’t stop crying.
“Okay,” she says suddenly. “I can be there tomorrow night. Let me talk to your aunt.”
I drop my hand and stare at her, but she’s not looking at me. Her face is illuminated by the screen of her laptop.
“What?”
She shuts her laptop and looks at me.
“Flight’s booked, Len. Lemme talk to your aunt. I need to know if I can crash on her couch or if I have to find somewhere else to stay.”
“Wait...” My brow furrows in confusion. “You’re coming here? What about your dad? What about school?”
“Fuck my dad. And school is basically over. I’ve got the credits to graduate, and I was only going to walk because it’s important foroptics.” She shrugs. “Let the senator spin it however he wants.”
I open my mouth to tell her she doesn’t have to come. To lie and say she doesn’t have to worry about me, that I’m fine and will be okay, but I can’t. When I speak, something entirely different falls from my lips.
“Thank you,” I whisper, and she smiles softly.
“Lemme talk to your aunt, Lennon. I’ll be there soon.”
