Page 58 of This Life and All the Rest
She bends down and picks up her shorts, making me realize that I’m still fully clothed. Her shirt and bra are still on.
“I’ll be right back.”
Without making eye contact, Lennon keeps her head down and walks toward the bathroom. When she shuts the door without looking back at me, my heart drops.
She’s disconnecting. She’s shutting down.
I was impulsive. I was thoughtless. I didn’t take my time with her.
I told myself if I ever got her back in my hands, I would make it last. I would make up for the time lost. Instead, I didn’t even take time to remove her clothes.
I fucked her from behind, fully clothed, bent over my kitchen island.
It was fucking hot, but from the way she’s acting, it was all wrong.
Make it hurt,she said. Did I?
After a moment, the shower kicks on. I check on Evie in the living room, and she’s still out cold. Then I sit back down at the island, and I wait. The shower stays on for thirty minutes. I spend that whole time worrying about all the ways I fucked up.
When the shower turns off and the door opens back up, steam billows out from behind Lennon. She’s back in the clothes she was wearing before. Her hair hangs wet at her shoulders. Her eyes are swollen.
“I’m sorry,” I say honestly. I stand and walk toward her, but she takes a step backward, so I stop. “Lennon?”
“We didn’t use a condom.”
Her voice is hollow, and I don’t know how to respond. I don’t even think I have condoms in the apartment. I didn’t even think about it. I didn’t think about anything.
Fuck.
“Shit,” I say. “Okay. I’m sorry. I...I didn’t come inside you,” I say trying to comfort her, but I sound like an idiot and her face crumples. I feel like an asshole. “Are you on birth control?”
She nods, and her eyes start to gloss over.
“But that stuff isn’t one hundred percent, Macon,” she says angrily. “We were irresponsible."
“Okay,” I say calmly. “I can take you in the morning and get the morning-after pill if you’re worried.”
She scoffs and brings her hands to her head.
“Jesus, why do I always make such dumb fucking decisions with you?” she says. “I’m supposed to be smarter than this. I cannot do this with you again. I can’t.”
“Lennon.” I close the distance and put my hand on her shoulder. “Calm down. Everything is going to be fine.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down,” she says, swatting my hand away.
She’s crying, but she looks furious. I have no idea what’s going on.
“What about STIs? Are you clean?”
My eyes go wide, and my mouth drops open in shock.
“Are you fucking serious right now?”
“Yes, I’m serious. I don’t know who you’ve been with or what you’ve been doing.”
“No,” I say, trying not to sound offended. “I don’t have any STIs. Jesus, Lennon.”
She rolls her eyes like she doesn’t fucking believe me, and my anger spikes.
