Page 17 of This Life and All the Rest
“Thought you were quitting?” he asks, just as I light up and take a deep drag.
I laugh, blowing smoke out my nose.
“I’ll try again after she leaves.”
Just thinking about Lennon’s blank expression pisses me off. She used to be filled with fire, and now she’s ice.
You don’t know anything about me anymore.
Ice and cruelty. But there’s fire in there. I saw it, and just like before, I crave it.
Casper doesn’t say anything else. I walk past him and head toward the building, and I hear him turn to follow me. I stop just outside the double doors, so I can take one last drag from my cigarette before stubbing it out on the brick wall and sliding it back into my pack, then I push through the doors and walk right past the office.
I should check the emails or the voicemail while I’m here, but I don’t. I need to get in the ring before I fucking explode.
“Hey, I thought you were off today,” Payton, one of the volunteers, says as I walk past.
“I am.” I grin at her. “If you need something, figure it out yourself.”
She laughs and shakes her head.
“How’s Trent?” Her voice is softer this time, and I shrug.
“No real change,” I tell her honestly. No news is better than bad news. “I’m heading over there in a bit. I’ll report back when I know more.”
Payton smiles and says she’ll see me later, then disappears around a corner with one last lingering glance. Casper whistles low as he stares off down the hall, but I ignore him. Payton is attractive. Gorgeous, even. And she’s made it more than obvious that she’s into me. I choose not to feed into it.
Casper and I head into the gym and toward the locker rooms.
The rec center has changed a bit over the years. A real boxing ring has been installed, new equipment has been purchased, and several more art classes have been added. The volunteer staff has grown, too, and there’s talk of building an addition in the next year or two.
One thing has stayed the same, though. It’s still my refuge, has been even more so since I moved home for good five months ago.
We change quickly and I don’t hold back my laugh when we walk to the ring. Casper is decked out—headgear, mouthguard, everything. If we had shin guards his size, he’d probably be in those, too, but all we have are youth sizes. I’m just wearing gym shorts and gloves, and the gloves are more a courtesy to him than they are for my comfort.
I need to feel it. All of it.
“Last chance to bow out,” Casper says as we climb into the ring. “You’re sure you’re up for this?”
I nod as I stretch, grunting past the pain radiating up my leg.
“Don’t go easy on me.”
Casper sighs and mumbles something about how Nicolette is going to murder him. There’s a slight possibly Nic might, but if he leaves me hanging, I definitely will.
I pound my gloves together twice and advance on him before he has a chance to change his mind. I get two body shots in before Casper can get a hit in, and when he does, it’s obvious he’s pulling punches.
I grunt in frustration then move toward a different strategy. I start tapping him, batting at the sides of his head with light, quick jabs just to annoy him. It works, and soon, he launches at me out of irritation.
“Fucker.” He growls, hitting me with two jabs and a kick to the right side.
It’s exhilarating. Each time a blow is landed, a little more of my tension burns away. I get lost in the dance, the game of guesswork and reading his body to anticipate the next punch or kick. I can taste the tang of blood when my lip splits, and my right cheek stings with the tell-tale signs of a bruise forming, but I welcome it all. This is what I wanted.
Mixed Martial Arts is something I picked up my first year in the Corps. I was angry, anxious, and trying desperately to cling to my newfound sobriety.
Trying and almost failing daily.
Then the Marine Corps Martial Arts Program gave me something else to focus on. An additional outlet. Something new to obsess over. I got good fast and even became an instructor before my plans were shot to hell.Again.
