Page 105 of This Life and All the Rest
I fight the urge to close my eyes.
I want to be angry that he didn’t show himself, but at that point, would it have changed anything? The damage was probably already done.
You don’t want to erase your mistakes.
You want to transform them into something beautiful.
Maybe Sam is right. I can’t forgive Macon for what he did. I shouldn’t. But maybe that Macon is different from this Macon. I feel different from that girl four years ago. Why can’t it be the same for him?
All I know is, for the first time in a long time, I’m excited to crawl back into bed with someone. I’m looking forward to another conversation. Another kiss. I want someone next to me when I paint. I want someone next to me always.
And that someone is Macon.
Not Macon from high school. Macon from today. Marine Macon. Community Staple Macon. Amazing Big Brother and Son Macon.
Maybe, finally, he can be my Macon too.
I pull up to the curb at Drea’s house, noting that there are no cars in the driveway. Drea must be at the hospital, but where are Claire and Eric? When I twist the doorknob, I find it unlocked, which is strange, and when I step inside, I hear laughter.
Claire’s...and...
“Franco?” I say as I walk into the kitchen, shocked to find him sitting at the kitchen island with Claire.
I look between their smiling faces.
“What are you doing here?”
“Mon bijou,”Franco croons, standing from his seat and wrapping me in his arms.
I return the hug, resting my head on his familiar chest. He smells of Cuiron by Helmut Lang, and I breathe him in.
“I was worried about you,” he whispers into my hair as he rubs his hand up and my down my back. “How is your father? Your stepsister says he’s doing better.”
I pull back and look him in the eyes.
“He’s doing as well as can be expected right now. I haven’t seen him yet today, but when I saw him yesterday, he was in good spirits.”
“That is good,oui?”
“Oui,” I say with a laugh, then pull him back in for another hug. “It’s so good to see you. I wish you would have told me you were coming, though.”
“I wanted to surprise you.”
His smile is comforting, but something about his presence makes me feel a little uneasy. Is this something we would normally do? Is this the kind of relationship we have?
“Well, it’s good to have a friend.”
I emphasize the wordfriendand watch his face. He doesn’t wince or flinch. He doesn’t look disappointed.
Maybe I’m overreacting. I wouldn’t think twice if Sam just showed up somewhere to surprise me. Why should Franco’s appearance concern me?
No. It’s nothing worth worrying about.
“You should have called when you landed, though. I’d have been here sooner.”
I step away from Franco and flick my eyes to Claire.
“Your sister has been keeping me company.”
