Page 10 of This Life and All the Rest
Mother fuck.
I pull my phone up on the Bluetooth and call Casper.
“How’d it go?” he says when he answers. The concern in his tone just makes it worse.
“I need to get fucked up,” I say through my teeth.
He’s quiet for a minute, then he laughs nervously.
“That good, huh?”
“Fuck off. You gonna help me or not?”
I hear him sigh.
“Nicolette isn’t going to like this,” he says, but I can already tell he’s caved.
“Let me deal with Nic.” My body is already relaxing as I turn the car back toward my apartment.
“I’m just sayin, you’re only five mo—”
“I’m aware of my status, Casper,” I say quickly, cutting him off. “You in? I’ll do it without you either way.”
“Fine.” He sighs. “I’ll see you in twenty.”
“Thanks.”
I hang up and drive the rest of the way in silence, counting my breaths and working to loosen my grip on the wheel.
Fucking Lennon.
She better go back to Paris soon. I’m not going to be able to handle this much longer.
THREE
I watchas Macon drives off in my dad’s old 4Runner, the familiar taillights disappearing around the corner, long before my feet move from the spot where I’m frozen.
I vaguely remember Dad saying they had gotten a new car—something safer for the baby—but I didn’t know he’d given the old one to Macon.
The realization makes me feel weird.
Jealous of the bond the two must have, one that I’ve obviously been oblivious to. Angry about how not five minutes earlier, Macon accusedmeof being a freeloader whenhe’sthe one driving off in a handout frommydad.
And...warm.
Strangely warm, in a way I can’t understand. It feels like comfort. Like an ache I’ve harbored for the last four years has been soothed. I don’t want my dad to be buddy-buddy with Macon.
But...
I’m glad someone, finally, is on his side.
I frown. Something about it doesn’t make sense, but I can’t pinpoint what.
Rarely does anyone speak to me about Macon. I shot down that topic of conversation pretty quickly in the beginning. I was told he’d enlisted in the Marines, only after he’d left on his first deployment.
Every mention after that was said as a peace offering. A subtle hint that it was safe to come home and visit if I wanted to.
I never wanted to.
