Page 12 of Casper
With those parting words, Casper rose from my bed and headed for the door. It closed softly behind him, leaving me alone with the traces of his cologne that lingered.
CHAPTER SEVEN
CASPER
My hands shook on the steering wheel the entire drive from Luna’s dorm back to the house where I stayed with Stray, Auryn, Dom, and now Codie. I made a conscious effort to casually cruise through the streets in my bright orange Challenger. On a night like Halloween, the cops would be out in full force. The last thing I needed was to get pulled over.
There had been a moment in Luna’s dorm room when the fear in her eyes had faded, replaced with curiosity. For a moment there, she wanted me to kiss her. I felt it. It had taken all of my willpower to hold back. I knew that if I started, I wouldn’t stop until she was naked and screaming beneath me.
She wasn’t ready for that yet. There was something about Luna that was so incredibly innocent and alluring. And I sensed that there was more to her beneath the surface. There was a bad girl inside of her.
She said she wasn’t mine to protect, but she didn’t know how wrong she was about that. Tonight had proven that it was my place to protect her. To keep her safe. Nothing would stop me from doing that.
Being alone with my thoughts on the drive home, I soon found myself sinking into the bad place. The place haunted bynightmares of an accident I would never forget. The accident that had killed my parents and stolen my voice.
It lived forever in a dark place in the recesses of my mind. Every now and then I found myself going to that dark place. Wondering why death hadn’t taken me too that night. Wondering if any of this meant a damn thing at all.
Nobody was home when I arrived at the house. Of course not. They were all partying at the graveyard. I entered the dark house, flicking on the living room light. The silence greeted me. Even though I myself never said a word, I couldn’t stand the silence.
Opening up the music app on my phone, I scrolled to a favorite playlist, clicking on the first heavy metal song that popped up. Once the crash of guitars and screaming vocals filled the quiet, I started to feel better.
In the kitchen, I helped myself to a glass of whiskey. Then another. Unable to be still with the dark thoughts that plagued me, I paced around the house. Back and forth between the living room and the kitchen. Getting a nice buzz going.
I relived that moment in the haunted house. Finding Luna cornered by that asshole. Knowing the kind of things he would do to her. I only wished I could kill him all over again. Much slower. Savoring every second.
No wonder she was afraid of me. Sometimes I was afraid of myself.
A metal container on the coffee table in the living room held several of Auryn’s rolled joints. I plucked one out and sparked it up, sucking in lungful after lungful. Hoping it would calm me.
When that didn’t work, I went downstairs to the basement. Both Dominik and I had a bedroom down there along with a bathroom that we shared and a living room space.
Entering the bathroom, I stared at myself in the mirror. Watching as the marijuana smoke drifted from between my lips, curling up toward the ceiling. I finished my drink, setting the empty glass on the counter. Staring deep into my own eyes, I searched for anything recognizable. I barely knew myself these days.
Squishing out the rest of the joint, I left its remains in the sink. Silencing the music blaring out of my phone, I pulled out the semi-automatic that I kept tucked into my waistband under my T-shirt. I pressed the barrel to my temple. My finger hovered over the trigger.
So fucking easy. It would be so fucking easy.
I stared at my reflection, wondering if I would see the blood spray before everything went black. Would it hurt? Probably not for long.
This wasn’t the first time I’d held a gun to my head. Something about knowing that I could pull the trigger any time made me feel better. Like it was a safety net. When I couldn’t stand the darkness anymore, it would be my way out.
I watched my reflection laugh bitterly. A soundless laugh that shook my shoulders. Once Rebel had asked me back when we were kids if I’d ever tried to speak again. Maybe if I just tried, I could talk.
I’d tried a few times. When the words failed to come, I gave up. I didn’t see the point. The night a drunk driver drove head on into the car carrying my parents and me, I’d been trapped in the back seat. Staring at their bloody mangled bodies. Screaming. Screaming endlessly for help. Nobody came. Not for a long time. And I haven’t made a sound since.
It was the following morning before our car was discovered on its side at the bottom of a ravine. By that time, I’d screamed myself hoarse and was barely conscious due to my own injuries. My parents were long dead.
Seven years old. I was just a child when I watched my parents die. I was sixteen when I hunted down the man responsible. The first person I ever killed.
The sound of voices and footsteps upstairs broke me out of my intense headspace. I put the gun down on the counter, drawn back to the main floor by the sound of Codie and Stray. Good. It was better if I wasn’t home alone right now.
I came up from the basement to find them in the living room. Codie had taken off her cat ears, tossing them onto the coffee table. She plopped down on the couch with a sigh.
“Damn, it’s chilly out there. I should’ve brought a coat.” A smile crossed her face as I entered the room, lighting up her hazel eyes. “Where did you sneak off to? I noticed that Luna left early too. Did you go to the dorm? Do you have something juicy to share with us?”
If she only knew. Cocking my head to one side, I gave her a small smile and wrinkled my nose. Knowing Stray would translate for me, I signed, “I think I scared her.”
Codie was a sweet girl. I still didn’t know how Stray had landed someone like her. She’d already started trying to learn sign for me since we were roommates. Not once had she treated me like a monster or a freak. Stray better work his ass off to keep her happy.
