Page 34 of Take My Breath Away
“James, I’ve got eyes in my head. All the flirting when you’ve visited the office, it’s always been… What’s the word I’m looking for?” Frowning, he drums his fingers on the table. “Intense, I suppose. More so than with the likes of…” He gestures towards the bar, to the waiter, to the barman, to every man Elliot’s seen me tease. “Don’t do anything to make him believe that you’re giving him anything more than a helping hand when he needs it.”
“Or a promise I’m incapable of keeping, you mean?” I can’t keep the sneer out of my voice. Elliot continues to hold me with his cool blue gaze.
“That’s exactly what I mean. He’s not a toy to be picked up, played with, and thrown aside. That’s what you do, James, you always have. I’m not judging you—”
“It damn well feels like it. I wanted to tell you the situation because I thought you had some kind of right to know, as my friend and Perry’s employer, but maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.”
“Stop throwing your fucking toys out the pram.”
It’s not the hard edge in Elliot’s voice that jerks me backwards, it’s that he’s sworn. Elliot rarely swears, or gives in to shows of temper. I feel chastised, as I’m sure I’m meant to.
“James, I’m not judging you. Really, I’m not,” he says, his voice softer. “But involvement, for want of a better word, doesn’t sit well with you. It never has. I don’t pretend to know anything of Perry outside of the work environment, but I think I’m a good enough judge of character to think he may be on a different page to the one you’ve spent your life writing on. Give him all the practical support and help he needs — and I’ll see about sorting out some kind of bonus. He works hard enough so it’s not like it’s not deserved. But for his sake, if nothing else, leave it at a friendly helping hand.”
Elliot swigs back the last of his drink. “I’ve got to go. There’s shepherds pie waiting for me.”
“Life on the edge, eh?”
“No, but it’s life exactly how I want it.”
Seconds later he’s gone, his words echoing around my head.
Chapter Sixteen
PERRY
It’s been a handful of days since the encounter with Aiden in the café. I keep telling myself it’s not my business because it isn’t. I know that, I really do know that, but… when I’m not busy, when my mind’s free to roam, I can’t help thinking of them. Together. Which is both hot and kind of gut wrenching because in those vivid imaginings, Aiden somewhere along the line turns into me.
Although I can’t ever imagine a man like James wanting me over somebody like Aiden.
There was something hard edged and mocking about Aiden, but there’s no way I can’t pretend he’s not gorgeous. Tall and muscular, over short — or shortish — and puny. James is the kind of man who can have anybody he wants, and I’ve no illusion that what he wants has very much to do with me.
That crush I’ve got is destined to go the way of all crushes — unspoken and unrequited, which is probably just as well. I’ve had enough complication in my life recently, and I’m not sure I really like them very much. One thing I am sure about, and that’s my sexual frustration.
I’ve always had a lively sex life — it was what happened after, when I thought there was an after, as in maybe something more long term and stable — that was the crap part. But now? Nothing. Not a sausage. I’d smile at my own joke, if the situation were funny. The shower’s been a good refuge, where it’s been me and my soaped-up hand, but something more, something intimate, something filling as well as fulfilling is what I want, need and crave.
Crave.
My groan seems to fill every space in the house.
My cock’s certainly craving. The denim across the front of my jeans is stretched tight and I press my hand down over my shaft, rubbing along the hard ridge, and this time it’s a shuddering sigh that forces its way through my lips as my hips cant upwards to meet the pressure of my palm.
Maybe I should buy some sex toys. Maybe James has some sex toys. Maybe we could play with some sex toys together—
No. No, no, no.
Even meaningless, no strings fun is dangerous for me, because meaningless and no strings never seems to stay that way. It’s exactly how I find myself landing face first in the shit, every single time. James doesn’t do anything but meaningless and no strings; he made that as clear as day. Even when he was with his boyfriend Alex, it’s what he did. He’s said so, spelled it out, and I’ve got the memo in triplicate. And the T-shirt.
No use thinking about that. James likes his life as it is, keeping it casual with men like Aiden, as hot as they come Aiden. I try my best to reheat the agonising fantasy, but my cock’s gone off the idea, and I let my hand slip away from my deflating, softening dick.
But sexual frustration’s not my only concern at the moment.
In front of me on the kitchen table is my spare work laptop, open on yet another commercial estate agent’s site. None of the agents are in London, but in Brighton, down on the South coast.
My plan doesn’t only involve setting up a business, it’s also about me moving away and completely starting again. Yet even the briefest, most cursory look online makes me feel like my dream’s melting away in front of my eyes like fondant icing in too warm a room. It’s not that there’s a shortage of properties in Brighton, but few if any are suitable. Wrong location. Too small. Too big. Wrong usage classification. And all of them eyewateringly expensive. Add into that the set-up costs, as well as finding somewhere to live that’s not a South coast replica of those disgusting rooms we looked at…
I can’t stay here with James indefinitely. If nothing else, it’s not good for my physical and mental health because the sight of him, especially in the suits that fit him like a second skin, send my blood pressure sky high and my heart thumping and jumping out of control.
He likes me being here, he doesn’t disguise it, and I like being here, too. It’d be very, very easy to get way too comfortable and it’s exactly what’s happening. The one thing I dread happening is him getting in first, suggesting it’s time for me to move out, and that means me getting my skates on before that happens. Because it will. He’ll soon get tired of the restrictions my presence has placed on him, and I’ve got my dignity, even it did take a knock over the whole Grant situation.
