Page 15 of Take My Breath Away
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“That was great, thank you.” James mops up the last of his egg before flopping back into his chair with a satisfied smile on his face.
A small thrill runs through me. He’s been doing everything for me since Friday night and if I can repay him, even if it’s just with cooking breakfast, then I’m happy for it.
“No problem, it’s the least I can do.” I clear my throat, ready for what I need to say next. “I’ve been thinking.”
That’s stretching it a little bit but one thing I do know, in all this mess, is that I need to at least try and present myself as being proactive and not the pathetic specimen he picked up in the café.
“It’ll take time to get myself sorted out, I know that, so that means I’m going to start looking for somewhere to live, from today. A room in a shared house will probably be the best, because I wouldn’t be tied into any long rental agreements.”
A room in a shared house, where you have a bit of shelf space in the fridge, and somebody steals your milk… God, I thought I’d left that behind when I stopped being a student. But being somewhere I can give short notice, somewhere cheap, or cheapish, not having ties to anything or anybody, is going to be important if the secret dream I’ve always harboured has any chance of becoming a reality. The ideal would be to crash with Alfie, but the truth is I have no idea when he’ll be back.
“Even a house share will mean putting down a hefty deposit,” James says, his voice measured. “Also, you need to buy yourself a whole new set of clothes. Very lovely though your suit is, I really do think you need a few more items in your wardrobe, and I don’t think my old sweats are fit for much beyond these four walls.”
I stare down at the hoodie and trackie bottoms I’ve put back on. They swamp me, and the cuffs are turned back. Clothes. How could I have forgotten? I need at least one more good suit, which will set me back. As for the rest it’ll have to be from somewhere cheap and cheerful. Fighting through the Primark hoards for the best in nylon doesn’t fill me with joy.
“I get paid in a couple of days time, so I can get a few things then. At least Grant won’t be able to get his hands on any of my salary this time.”
“Don’t you want to stay here?” James asks, as a tiny frown furrows between his eyes. His gaze is steady upon me, serious and almost a little disappointed, although I’m sure I’m imagining that bit.
I lick my lips. They’re suddenly dry and this is turning out to be harder than I thought it would be. I was expecting to see relief in his eyes, despite what he’s said about me staying. Because it’s what people do. They say things they don’t mean as they try to be nice. I’ve just smashed into his life, so why would he want me hanging around?
“No, it’s not that, it really isn’t. You’ve made me very welcome, but…” I struggle to find the words.
“But?”
James is still looking at me, his head tilted slightly to the side. There’s a stillness about him as though he’s waiting for me to make the next move. He’s giving me no choice but to make it.
“I’m in your house, which means I’m in your way. I don’t want to be that, not after everything you’ve done for me. I don’t want to be an inconvenience.”
“In my way? It’s a big house if you haven’t already noticed. You’re hardly going to bein my way.And besides you’re going to be at work all day, and so am I. Also, I’m quite often out late into the evening. In fact, I’m not here very much at all.” The corner of his mouth twitches in the smallest of smiles, barely noticeable. And something passes behind his eyes, giving me the feeling there’s more to what he’s just said than the bare words.
“But I still don’t understand why you would want me here?”
The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.
He leans forward, his gaze cool and steady and never leaving mine. It’s irresistible, like a magnet, and I can’t pull mine away even if I want to.
“Because at the moment you need all the help you can get, and I’m more than willing and able to give it to you.” His voice is low, almost a purr. His feline eyes, moss green and unreadable, fix on mine.
Seductive.
The word’s a gun shot in my head. I try to swallow, but my throat muscles have seized up.
His eyes narrow as a smile plays on his lips.
“Of course, I can’t force you to stay here, though I hope you will. Just think about it for a moment. You need somewhere safe and settled and that’s what I’m offering for as long as you need it. Don’t tie yourself up in knots about being in the way or cramping my style.”
Cramping his style? I can almost see the quotes around the words.
“You’ll be doing nothing of the sort. But it’s up to you. All I would say is think about it carefully before you make a decision, because rash decisions have a way of coming back to bite. Promise me you’ll do that?”
Rash decisions coming back to bite… I’d moved in with Grant just weeks after meeting him, and I’d not only got bitten, I’d got chewed up and spat out.
James is looking at me, waiting for my answer. Not pressing me, just waiting for the one and only answer I can, and want, to give.
“I… Yes. Thank you. But just for now, until I sort myself out.”
