Page 103 of Take My Breath Away
It’s a fast train, making only a couple of stops before its final destination, and it’s leaving in fifteen minutes.
I scan the crowd heading for the platform, but I can’t see any sign of Perry. He’s got to be onboard already, waiting for the train to leave and take him away from me. The thought makes me feel sick, but it puts a rocket up me.
Running for the ticket barrier, I shoulder my way through the press of bodies, ignoring the angry shouts and expletives thrown my way. Passengers are pouring through the barrier, and I tailgate.
I’m on the platform.
It’s a short train, only four carriages, and it’s filling up fast.
Bundling my way on, my head swings from left to right and back again as I search for him. He’s not here, Perry’s not on the bloody train, and I stumble off.
Scrubbing my fingers through my hair, and bending low at the waist, I try not to scream. Nobody comes near me, because right now I’m just another crazed, burnt-out Londoner on the edge of collapse. I straighten up — and I see him.
He’s coming through the barrier, clutching a takeaway coffee, his face serious, not a hint of the shy smile that sits so readily on his lips. For all my frantic searching, I’m frozen to the spot.
He’s just a couple of steps away, but so wrapped up in his thoughts he’s not noticed me.
“Perry,” I croak.
He stops dead, and stares at me as though I’m a stranger. My heart shudders, but it’s nothing more than I deserve.
“What are you doing here?”
“To stop you making the biggest mistake of your life.” I take a step towards him, but he stumbles back, a sickening reminder of him growling at me not to touch him when we stood in the kitchen and everything crumbled around us. Days ago, only days, it’s been the longest, bleakest, loneliest time of my life.
“No. I already made that, when I believed your lies.”
He twists around me, ready to walk away but I’m not going to let him, not this time. I grab his arm.
“Let me go. Please.” He tries to pull away, but I tighten my grip. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? It’s over. I don’t know why you’re here or what you’re trying do, but it’s useless.”
His voice is low and trembling, and his face is so, so pale the freckles scattered across his nose are like dark flecks from a paintbrush. Deep shadows stain the thin skin beneath his eyes, and I feel sick that this is because of me. It’s all because of me.
“Let you go? No, Perry, I’m not going to let you go. Not this time. I’m not going to make that mistake again.”
“No.” He shakes his head hard and wrenches his arm from my grip. “What right do you have to do this?”
Red patches colour his cheekbones, stark against the rest of his face. Anger’s surging through him, righteous and justified, and I deserve everything he throws at me.
“I don’t have any right, and if you walk away and get on that train and don’t look back, it’s everything I deserve. But please don’t do it, Perry, don’t walk away from me.”
“Why shouldn’t I? You betrayed me, James. You made promises that crumbled to dust as soon as they were put to the test. Why wouldn’t I want to walk away from a man like you?”
His voice is shaky as anger and upset do battle.
“Because I have to break the cycle.”
“What?” Confusion shadows his eyes. “Cycle? What are you talking about? I don’t understand.”
“Neither did I, not until Elliot read me the riot act earlier.”
A tannoy blasts above us…the Brighton train will be departing platform seven in five minutes… will passengers please board the train…
The noise of the station, the rush of last minute travellers erupts all around us, a stark and frightening reminder that, one way or another, in five minutes my life will be changed forever.
I step in closer and my heart flips when he doesn’t step back, but we’re teetering on the edge and I can’t afford to make a wrong move.
“I want to break the cycle. I don’t want to be just another sad example of how the men in my family are. I don’t want to be like my grandfather, my father, or my brother. Do you remember I told you about them? They all betrayed those they professed to love, causing havoc and heartbreak. That’s not who I want to be.”
