Page 37 of Christmas Spirit
“I was thinking,” he said, looking up, his eyes resting on Roland’s face, before darting away, his smile no longer feeling so bright, or easy. He cleared his throat. “I was thinking,” he said again, “it’s Christmas Eve, and as we’re not going anywhere, we could build a snowman. Never done it before. Can you believe it? I mean, it’s not hard to believe, is it? ‘Cause it hardly ever snows in London…”
I’m gabbling…The words spewed from his mouth, as his nerves burned through him. Because something was wrong, when everything should have been right.
Roland stared at him, his face unreadable. He said nothing,hadsaid nothing. Georgie flinched. He’d been babbling on about building a snowman as though he were a stupid kid.
“Roland, are—are you okay? Us? Are we okay?” Georgie swallowed, as Roland only looked at him with eyes that were as warm as winter frost.
“Us? What do you mean, us? There is no us.”
Georgie gazed, horribly mesmerised by Roland’s distant, expressionless green eyes. The man was statue-still and every bit as lifeless.
“But last night—”
“Was an error of judgement, on both our parts. Under normal conditions, it would never have happened.”
“What? What do you—I don’t understand,” Georgie whispered. “Last night—”
“Was down to circumstances, and that’s all. We stepped over a line that should never have been crossed.”
Roland swept the bedding aside. Grabbing his jeans up from the floor, he pulled them on, his movements jagged and staccato, the air in the room crackling with tension.
“What? You think it was a mistake?”
Georgie swallowed hard. No, it wasn’t that, he would never believe last night had only been that.
What did I do, Roland, other than make you — us — feel good?
Roland dragged on his shirt, buttoning it up as he kept his eyes trained on Georgie’s.
Georgie stepped back, kept stepping back, until he pressed against the cold, hard glass.
“Last night did happen, and it wasn’t a mistake. You might want to forget it, but I don’t want to, and—”
“What do you mean by that?” Roland stilled. His eyes narrowed, watchful and suspicious.
“Only that—that what happened, it felt right. It was right. And it was good, more than good. And you were incredible. Beautiful. I’ve never…”
Felt like I felt last night. With you…The words Georgie wanted to say because they were true, the words Roland would rip apart and throw away as though they were nothing. Because that was how Roland was looking at him. As nothing. As nothing more than the kitchen boy, who was now his dirty little mistake that needed to be swept under the carpet.
Roland drew in a long breath, and when he spoke, his words were ice.
“If you attempt to spread gossip, if you ever breathe as much as a single word, I will do everything in my power to ensure you never set foot in a kitchen again, in any capacity.”
Georgie started, his jaw dropping as he stared into Roland’s dark green eyes, harder and colder than he’d ever seen them before.
“I’d never say anything, to anybody,” Georgie said, his voice shaking. “It’s nobody’s business. I don’t — I’ve never talked about who I’ve—”
“It’s best for both of us if you don’t return to Pendleton Manor in January. I will inform Julia that you’ve decided to remain in London to find employment there. I’ll ensure you’re paid until the end of your six month probationary period, and that you’re given an excellent reference. As a goodwill gesture.”
“What?” Georgie gasped, gaping at Roland. “Best for both of us? A goodwill gesture? You’re giving me the sack, and paying me off because we slept together? And you call that a goodwill gesture? We—”
Made love.
It was what they had done, and Roland could deny it all he wanted, but itwaswhat they had done. Georgie wanted to scream the words so loud his lungs ripped, but as he stared into Roland’s closed off face, they lodged like stone in the pit of his stomach.
“So you’re paying me off,” Georgie rasped. “Is that what your goodwill gesture is? Paying me for—for sex?”
“Of course that’s not what I’m doing. But it’s impossible for us to continue working together. Don’t you understand? Don’t you see that?”
