Page 160 of Still Bruised
“What else did you talk about?”
“This and that,” Foster murmured.
Jude narrowed his eyes. “This and that?”
“He told me not to let you push me away. I told him I’d already promised you space and I was going to respect that promise. So, I had to find creative means to remind you I was still around, impatiently waiting. The Grindr profile was Anton’s idea. He said it would drive you nuts to see my face on there. Did it?”
“It did,” Jude muttered. “Did you… meet up with anyone there?”
“I did… not.” Foster smiled. “I only set it up for you. Serial monogamist,remember?”
“Yeah, yeah.”
Foster leaned closer. “A monogamist is only as good as his partner, though. Are you ready to give a relationship a try?”
Jude hedged. “I’ve never had one.”
“Never?”
Jude shook his head.
“You dated Mia in high school, right?”
“That was different.”
“How so?”
“Even though I called her my girlfriend, I think somewhere deep in my mind I knew I was gay, and she was cover. There was no romance there, at least not from me. I faked it. I did all the things I thought a boyfriend was supposed to do.”
“Do that again,” Foster said. “Do all the things you think a boyfriend is supposed to do. And maybe it’ll feel different this time when it’s with someone you’re actually attracted to.”
“I suppose I can try that,” Jude said.
“I’m willing to put in the work if you are.”
Jude fought a smile. “I am.”
Foster leaned closer and pressed his lips to Jude’s.
Jude rested his forehead on Foster’s. “Just because I’ve avoided relationships doesn’t mean I haven’t wanted one. I want connection and intimacy. Particularly with you.” He bit his lip, hating that he needed to add a caveat. “But I have this voice in my head telling me it’s all bullshit and I’m going to be hurt—and I better hurt you before you hurt me.” He paused a second, emotion overwhelming. “I don’t want to hurt you, Foster. I don’t want to keep making excuses why we shouldn’t be together and then listening to my bullshit.”
“Then let’s think of some excuses why we should be together,” Foster said.
“Like?”
“We’re very attracted to one another,” Foster whispered.
“Yes, but a relationship can’t be built on attraction alone.”
“No, it can’t, but it sure as shit helps,” Foster said. “Let’s see… what else? I’m a submissive top and you’re a dominant bottom.”
Jude leaned back, eyeing Foster. “I think that still falls under attraction, no?”
“It shows we fit together well.” Foster grinned. “We’re two pieces of a puzzle that click. Not only that, but we enjoy spending time together, even though you lied and said you didn’t.”
“We spent our time fucking. I liked that very much.”
“It was more than that and you know it,” Foster said. “We ate together. We talked about our day over those meals. We cuddled on your couch, binge-watching the most romantic murder docs we could find before going to bed.”
