Page 159 of Still Bruised
“I didn’t have a technical name for it, but I saw what you were doing. Every time we moved a little closer, you panicked and pushed me away.”
Jude met Foster’s gaze.
“I’ve been unkind and distant with you—and I’m sorry,” Jude said. “That’s not a great way to start something.”
“You went through hell, Jude. You had to work through that resentment, or we’d never have made it this far.”
“But you have to know there’s a risk I may do it again—or worse—before things get better.Ifthey get better at all.” He scoffed. “I know I’m probably going to fuck things up more than once along the way. If you don’t want to deal with that, I understand. It might be safer for you to just walk away now.”
“Already trying to send me packing, hmm?”
Jude sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe.” He faced Foster. “You just got free of a bad relationship, and I don’t want you stuck in another one with me.”
“I’ll take my chances.”
Jude searched Foster’s face. “Why? You could go find someone who’s not fucked up and be happier.”
“We’re all a little fucked up.” Foster smiled. “I happen to like spending time with you.”
“Even when I’m mean to you?”
“As I said, we’re all a little fucked up. I happen to like it when you’re bossy and mean. It turns me on.”
Jude chuckled. “I’ve noticed.” His smile faded. “But I don’t want to end up crossing a line and pushing you away, either.”
“If that happens, I’ll tell you and we can work on it together.”
Jude nodded. “Relationships aren’t supposed to be so hard, you know. I understand if it becomes too much work and you need to walk away.”
“Lust and attraction? Those are easy. An actual adult relationship—one that lasts—takes work. I took the easy route with Ash. I let her drag me around by my short and curlies because I didn’t want to have to face the fact that I might not be straight. The easy route brought me nothing but pain.” Foster searched his face. “I felt happier with you over the last few months than I ever did with her in years.”
Jude smiled.
“But, there’s something you need to know about me.”
Jude eyed Foster. “What’s that?”
“Cary called me a serial monogamist and upon further reflection, I think he might be right. I’m not a sex party kind ofguy. I don’t fuck around. I like the idea of being with someone.Onesomeone. In a relationship. The very things you avoid.”
“Then why do you have Grindr?”
Foster smiled, a bit wickedly.“Do I?”
“I saw you on there,” Jude replied. “Why do you have that if you don’t fuck around?”
“Anton told me to get one.”
Jude frowned. “What?”
“He came to find me a couple of weeks ago at McMurphy’s and called me outside to chat.”
“About?”
“You, of course,” Foster said. “He was worried about us being together. Shockingly, he doesn’t trust me, either. I’ve got to prove my loyalty to both of you, it seems.”
“He was out of line.”
“No, I’m glad we chatted. He’s a good friend, Jude. One I’m happy you have in your corner.”
