Page 113 of Still Bruised
Jude hadn’t missed the sarcasm in Anton’s voice. “Dunno. It’s over.”
“Really?”Anton asked, giving Jude a hard stare.
“Yep. You were right. I was playing with fire,” Jude said. “It was well past its expiration date.”
Anton watched him silently for a few seconds. Jude felt like he was under the microscope. From past experience, he knew Anton could likely see much more than he wanted him to.
“Did youwantit to be over?”
“Yeah,”Jude lied.
Anton lifted a brow. “Your face is telling me a different story.”
“He was really good in bed,” Jude said. “I miss the dick. Not the man.”
Anton grew quiet again. The click-clack of the train seemed too loud in Jude’s ears. He stared out the window at nothing in particular. He didn’t want Anton to see how much watching Foster leave had affected him.
“I’m glad it’s over. He was just going to cause you pain,” Anton said.
“I’m not talking about it anymore. It’s old news and in the past,okay?”
Anton nodded. “Okay.”
Jude stared out the window yet all he could see was Foster with those big, needy puppy dog eyes sitting on the corner of his bed. Jude hadn’t meant to hurt him. That had never been the plan.
Just like Foster hadn’t meant for him to be hurt.
Sometimes pain was inevitable, no matter how someone tried to protect people from it. It slinked past defenses and slashed through the skin. It left scars that didn’t always fully heal. His hadn’t. His had rotted and ended up a poisoned well—which had ended up tainting Foster with its venom.
He’d thought he was past all of that old trauma. It was nearly fifteen years. He rarely thought about any of that old shit—not until Foster had come back into town and the raw, aching nerve had shown just how exposed it was.
Right after the accidental Foster fuck, Anton had claimed Jude was still bruised. He’d denied it then—but the comment hadlingered, circling in his mind in the dead of night, taunting him with the truth.
He needed to move past it. He needed to find a way to heal, before the toxicity destroyed the other relationships in his life. He already had too few as it was. If he lost anyone else, he’d wasn’t sure how he’d manage.
He glanced at Anton. “Sorry I barked at you.”
Anton leaned over and tapped Jude’s elbow with his own. “You’re good.”
“Once I get there and get a drink or two in me, I’ll loosen up. I promise.”
“I certainly hope so,” Anton replied, his gaze searching the others in the car with them.
Jude winced. He needed to get his shit together. When he saw Anton’s long face, he felt even worse. He needed to lighten the tone and the only thing he could think to say was a dumb joke he’d overheard Paulie tell the other cutters earlier in the week.
“Three guys die, and their boyfriends are trying to decide what to do with their ashes. One says, ‘My boyfriend loved nature. I’m going to spread his ashes in the forest so he can be there forever.’ The second one says, ‘My boyfriend was a marine biologist. I’m going to spread him in the ocean so he can swim there forever.’ And the third says, ‘I’m going to put his in a bowl of chili and eat him.’
Jude gazed at Anton and saw a hint of a smile on the guy’s lips. “The first two were horrified and asked him why he’s doing that. ‘So he can rip through my ass one last time.’”
Anton snorted, shaking his head. “You’re stupid.”
Jude grinned, happy to see Anton smiling. He just needed to make sure he stayed smiling for the rest of the night.
Paradise was packed.The music was thumping and the energy high. Jude and Anton hung near the edge of the dance floor, swaying to the music as they checked out the crowd. He took a swig from his beer and glanced over at Anton. A good-looking six-plus footer with a moustache, a Stetson, and a barely-there set of chaps and thong was chatting him up.
Good for him.
Jude turned back to people watch, checking out all that bare male flesh on display. The song shifted, and Anton elbowed him. When he turned to look, Anton cocked his head toward the dance floor and pointed to the cowboy, a stupid grin on his face.
