Page 39 of A Damaged Soul
"Can I talk to you alone?"
Black graciously bowed out of the room, but I could see the hesitation in my brother's eyes. In the end, he too left.
"Come here." I flipped my hand over and motioned for Elle to come closer. She did so without hesitation, and it gave me hope that she wasn't about to break my heart. "What's on your mind?"
"I'm scared," she answered quickly and honestly.
"Of?"
She took my hand and threaded our fingers together. "Of what happened to you. Of it happening again. These last few days, I've been so worried not hearing from you that it physically made me ill."
My heart dropped into my stomach. Here it was. The moment when she told me it was all too much. My gaze dropped to our intertwined fingers.
"But despite all that, I find that the thought of not having you in my life is even worse."
Butterflies erupted in my stomach. Now it was my turn to be scared. Did that mean she wanted to be with me? Or just as friends.
Minutes earlier, I was so sure that I didn't deserve her, but now here I was waiting on her every breath to see if she would give us a chance.
"I care about you, Rhett, but I need you to say something here."
"I'm too afraid to say anything."
Elle chuckled, and it was the sweetest sound in the world after what I had heard for the past week.
"I thought I was the only one scared here."
I shook my head. "Not the only one."
"I told you mine. Will you tell me what has you afraid?"
"I don't deserve you. I'm worried I'm going to get in too deep, and you're going to realize it. Then I'm going to be left heartbroken."
What I really should've said was I was already in deep, and if she walked away now, it would crush me. But I didn't want to put that kind of pressure on her.
"What makes you think you don't deserve me?"
It was now or never.
"Do you remember when we first met and you asked me if I was a murderer?"
Elle nodded her head. "I remember, and I stand by my statement that you aren't one no matter what you tell me."
I looked at her the best I could through swollen eyes. "You might think differently when I tell you about one of my deployments."
Elle didn't let go of my hand like I would've expected. Instead she squeezed my fingers and encouraged me to go on.
"I can't tell you much, but what I can tell you changed me forever." I swallowed down the bile that threatened to work its way up my throat. "We were sent in to stop a terrorist group from taking over a small village." I had to stop as memories of that day threatened to drag me under. "Turns out, we were too late. The group had already infiltrated the town and had forced the men and young boys to fight."
"Forced how?" A tear trickled down Elle's cheek.
"By threatening their families and making examples of those who refused by killing the women and girls."
"Oh God." Elle was full-blown crying now, and I didn't blame her. It had been a no-win situation that ended just as badly as it possibly could. "So you had to fight children?"
"Not just fight," I told her solemnly.
I could see the moment realization kicked in, and the hand that wasn't holding mine, flew up to her mouth. "No," she whispered.
