Page 31 of A Damaged Soul
"Maybe my ass should've stayed home. Clearly I'm nothing but bad luck lately."
"Boo-fucking-hoo," Oxford spat. "So what? We have two lousy assignments, and suddenly everything is your fault."
"Yes," I tried to holler back, but my ribs ached too much. "Yes, it is."
"Shut the fuck up," Oxford continued, "you and Graham more than the rest of us should be fighting like hell to get out of here. You both have something to go home to."
I twisted around and tried to look at my friend who was suspiciously quiet right now. Oxford was right though. Graham did have something to go home to. An amazing son and soon-to-be wife.
"I have no one," I insisted. And I didn't. Elle was just a friend who had known me for only a short period of time. Sure, she might miss me at first, but soon someone else would come along, and she would forget all about the man she picked up in a bar.
"You're a liar," Matthew hissed. "Don't disrespect her or your feelings."
It would've hurt less if my team leader smacked me in my condition.
"Elle and I are just friends. She'll move on soon enough if she never saw me again."
"Oh that's right." Oxford was back to talking. "Big bad Rhett doesn't catch feelings, and no one is allowed to feel anything for him. Grow the fuck up, man. There's nothing wrong with falling in love, and from what Matthew has seen, that woman only has eyes for you."
If we weren't all hanging from chains, I would've glared at our team leader for gossiping about me behind my back.
"You don't know what you're talking about. Besides, it's better if she doesn't feel anything for me. I'm no good for a woman like that."
"Bullshit." Parker jumped into the mix now. "You can't let your past define you the way you have. It's high time you buried that shit."
"I killed a child. That's not something you bury," I argued back, and fuck did it hurt to say again. I tried all the time to forget about what happened, but my friends were apparently insistent on using this moment to dig all the shit out.
"No, you acted in self defense. That child, as you like to call him, was trying to kill you."
"I should've found another way. We are taught a million different ways to disarm someone, and I used deadly force."
The memories I tried so hard to keep pushed down were suddenly running through my mind.
The smell of the burning building around us. The gunfire. The young boy running toward me with a rifle in his hand shooting sporadically.
"You were given a direct order to neutralize the enemy, and that was what you did. There's nothing to be ashamed of."
I heard what Parker said, and yet the guilt of what happened continued to claw at my throat. The boy was no older than twelve. How in the hell could killing him be the right thing to do?
That was the question I continued to struggle with each and every day.
"You deserve a good woman in your life. Don't fuck it up because of some misguided guilt." That was the last thing Oxford said before they came in and beat us all again.
I was barely comingto after the last beating when I heard a commotion. I prayed more than anything that it was a team sent to rescue us.
"Rhett?"
Jesus fuck!
As if things weren't already bad enough. It had to be my brother's team that came to rescue us.
I looked down through swollen lids and found my big brother's intense stare. "Zack." I tried to nod my head, but I doubted it was more than the smallest of movements.
"What the actual fuck?!" my brother roared as his gaze swung to Arlo, his team leader.
"Don't look at me." Arlo glared back.
"Can we talk about this after we pull him down?" Kyle––another one of Zack's teammates––asked.
