Page 61 of Mistletoe, Mayhem & Mr. Grump
"They are if you make charts," I point out. "Charts make everything official. You should know that, Mr. Relationship Behavior Graphs."
"That's different," he protests. "My charts were for research."
"Malcolm's were for destruction," June adds. "Very effective destruction. Wren cried for a week."
"Thanks for that reminder," I mutter.
"We need a new strategy," Delia announces, pulling up a fresh slide titled "Ex-Boyfriend Countermeasures."
"Do you have a prepared slide for this?" I ask.
"I have prepared slides for everything," she says. "Page forty-three of the binder covers ex encounters."
"Of course it does," Holden mutters, flipping through the binder. "This is incredibly detailed. There are footnotes."
"And appendices," Delia adds proudly. "Appendix C covers maritime-themed humiliation specifically."
"Why maritime-themed?" I ask.
"The yacht," Finn explains.
"Right. The yacht," I sigh. "The stupid yacht with the stupid name."
"What's it called?" Holden asks.
"'Better Without You,'" I admit.
"He named his yacht after your breakup?" Holden asks, incredulous.
"He's very committed to winning," I explain.
"He sounds delightful," Holden says dryly. "Can't wait to meet him."
"We don't have to meet him. We can avoid him. The gala's big. We'll stay on opposite sides of the room at all times," I suggest desperately.
"The room is a circle," June points out.
"Then we'll... orbit differently," I try.
"That's not how circles work," Finn says.
"It could be!" I insist. "With enough determination!"
"FOCUS!" Delia commands, slapping the table. "The ex-boyfriend situation requires a tactical response. Holden, you'll need to be extra affectionate. Wren, you'll need to appear blissfully happy. Together, you'll need to project romantic superiority."
"Romantic superiority?" I repeat. "Is that measured?"
"Everything's measured in this town," Delia says darkly. "Everything."
"This gala sounds less like a party and more like a competitive sport," Holden observes.
"Welcome to Snowfall Creek," I say, patting his hand. "Where everything's a competition and the points don't matter but also totally matter."
"The points always matter," Delia corrects. "Which is why you're going to practice. Right now. Stand up."
"What? Why?" I protest.
"Dance practice. If Malcolm has one weakness, it's that he can't dance. Two left feet, possibly three," she explains.
