Page 77 of Out of Bounds
“I was right behind you. Don’t worry, I don’t think anyone else heard and everyone was busy looking at the place to see the shift in your mood.”
“Christ. I didn’t mean to look like I went weird.” I hope Bree didn’t think so. She wasn’t looking at me like she expected me to say it back. “She was just thanking me.”
“Maybe so, but I saw how you looked.”
“How did I look Logan?”
“Like you had an epiphany that freaked you out.”
I stare back at him and he does the same to me with understanding.
“Logan it’s kind of complicated.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t know if I should because talking is entertaining something I’m not sure I should have.”
“Well it looks like we’re talking so we might as well continue going.”
I sigh. “I love her.” the words come effortlessly like they always made sense.
“That’s great, but I think you might have always known that.”
“Maybe I did.”
“So what’s the problem Ethan?”
I’m supposed to be this badass cop who isn’t scared of anything. Telling him I’m scared feel so wrong on every level.
“I just don’t think I should see more to this relationship than what it is.”
“Why when you have a good thing going. She loves you too. You must know that.”
“I actually I think I do, but Logan Bree could always do better than me.”
“That’s a matter of opinion my friend. Why don’t you cut to the chase and get to the real problem which is you’re afraid to love again.”
Sometimes I truly hate how right he is.
“Logan it was hard to watch Amelia die.”
“I know, but Bree isn’t dying or anything like that.”
“I haven’t opened my heart like that since Amelia. I loved her too and it was different to what I feel for Bree. It took me years to find myself after Amelia and I accepted what happened to her. I don’t know if I could allow myself to be in that position again. I feel like it might be worse if something happened to me and Bree, and that’s saying something.”
“Of course it’s saying something. Don’t you think you should listen?”
“I don’t know.” Because losing Bree would ruin me if I allow myself to fall any deeper in love with her than I already have. I don’t want to be like my father and fuck up her life, and I don’t want some other shit to happen I can’t control.
“Right now what I do know is we have an end date,” I say and he sighs. “I know how we’re supposed to end and when. Maybe… we should keep it that way. It might be best for us both. She was never supposed to be with me anyway.”
I sound like a coward, but I’m too caught up in the past to be anything other than that.
“I guess only you can know what’s best. I just don’t want you to mess up a good thing when you don’t have to.”
I wish I could listen to him, but my demons are riding my shoulders and suffocating my heart.
Chapter26
