Page 81 of Out of Bounds
I lift my hand and wave as I cross the road and try to act like I’m not a mess inside.
I’ve been a mess since yesterday when I left Bree and it felt like the end. Maybe it felt that way because it was.
How could it not be when I made it so. There’s only one thing my words could mean and that’s why I didn’t call her when I landed last night.
I fucked things up all by myself and now I’m in Cape Cod I feel like I’m going to explode.
The plan is to have lunch together then go right out into the ocean where we’ll scatter Amelia’s ashes. I’m supposed to just have some downtime after then head back tomorrow evening, but I’m not in the mood any of it. Not even the thing I came here for.
I was already a mess before I spoke to Bree, because like her I’m was paying attention to the time we have together.
Telling my wife I couldn’t be with her anymore was not how I wanted to part, but then what didn’t I expect was going to happen?
Whether I said what I said yesterday or two weeks’ time, the asshole I am was going to say those hurtful words to her anyway.
I told myself it was for the best, but I don’t feel any better for it.
Officer Gardener, as I used to call him, meets me half way with a bright smile on his face. He looks older. There’s more gray in his black hair and his bead is like it too.
It’s been several years since we last saw each other and he was in his late fifties then. He’s retired now. I called every time I had something important happen to me but I didn’t tell him about Bree until the other weeks when we spoke to finalize the trip. His number wasn’t on my list for this phone because he’d changed it. I was thankful at the time because I thought it would have been a tacky way of telling him I got married if he’d found out the way everyone else did. Not that it matters. I don’t even know why I told him when my marriage is over.
I guess I just wanted to tell him, just in case he found out. I’d want him to hear that from me.
“Well look at this,” he says. “Detective Carson, you sure are looking like the man I expected you to be.”
“That’s a high compliment, sir,” I reply putting out my hand to shake his.
He pulls me in for a hug instead and laughs. “We can shake hands when you leave. It sure is good to see you Ethan.”
“You too, Jim.”
“Congratulations on your wedding.” He looks proud.
“Thank you.”
“Come on let’s talk. There’s something I got to show you before we head out.”
I wonder what that could be.
“Sure.”
We head into the diner and sit at the back booth where we can have a bit more calm.
It’s not overly busy in here but busy enough. It’s just gone twelve so it’s understandable.
“So how’ve you been?” Jim asks after we place our orders.
“Good, things are good at the police station. I’m looking after it for you.”
He laughs. “Kid, you are definitely one of my favorite mistakes. I’m proud to see how you turned out. College, career, life.”
“Thank you.”
“And you have a wife?”
“Yeah. She’s great.” Better to carry on the pretense, especially to a man who taught me not to be a coward.
“That’s really good to hear. I worried about you.”
