Page 86 of Sins or Secrets
“Yeah,” I breathe and run a hand through my hair.“I remember when he cornered me outside Lilly’s and warned me away from his daughter.He looked at me then like he would kill me.He knew we were serious. I could tell.I can’t imagine what he must have gone on with when he found out Quinn was pregnant.”
“I think it’s best you don’t imagine it.”
“I think you’re right. Everything’s falling into place Ethan, and it doesn’t make me feel any better now that I have answers I didn’t even know I had questions to.” That’s just the point.Everything Quinn said to me when we broke up was convincing.I believed her, except for when she said we weren’t in love.That was the clue because we were.“Why did I believe her Ethan?Why the hell did I believe her?If I’d gone after her our baby would still be alive.If I’d gone after her and dragged her kicking and screaming and got the whole damn US marine Recon to protect us there’s not a damn thing that man could have done to us.But I did nothing.”
That’s where I’m at in my mind, blaming myself too.
Ethan shakes his head. “You did what anybody else would have done.You did what I did.”
“What do you mean?”
He draws in a breath and unfolds his fingers.“ When Amelia found out she was sick, she didn’t tell me.She broke up with me instead.”
“You’ve never told me that before.”
“Because I behaved like a prick during that time because I believed what she wanted me to believe.A little like you did. To make matters worse I used my popularity as quarterback for the college team to fuck around to forget.It wasn’t until I was visiting my grandmother in the hospital that I saw Amelia sitting in the patient's gardens in a wheelchair.It was then I realized she wasn’t studying anymore.She was a patient. You know the rest of the story.I had her for another year and that was it.”
I bring my hand to my head. I do know the rest of the story.At least Quinn was alive. Ethan lost Amelia forever.
“For nearly a year I went around believing she didn’t want to be with me because she told me so,” he adds.“She said she wanted to focus on her career and being with me would get in the way.She wanted to be a doctor so I understood that.You know what doctors are like.She went through a lot during that year.I wasn’t around and I always felt like I should have known what she was telling me wasn’t true.If I’d been with her during that time that’s one more year I could have spent with her.I’m telling you this because there are some things you blame yourself for and the only thing you can do now is think about what you want to do with the time you have.”
“I don’t know what I want to do.It feels like it’s too late. But Lord knows I get why she wants to go to New York and start over.I get it. In terms of time, I want to go back and pick up where we were and move on from there.I don’t want this. I’ve gone from trying to avoid her to this and I can’t shake her out of my head.”
“Logan, if she’s telling you she wants to be somewhere that represents freedom for her you have to listen.Remember, the last ten years was about her protecting you from a threat you never saw.You were in the bliss of ignorance even though you were hurting, but it must be exhausting to live the way she did.”
He’s right.
“What do I do?”
“Be there for her. The truth is out now, and the past has collided with the present.All you can do is be there for her, especially with this new bomb she’s just had dropped in her lap about her mother.”
“It’s too fucking much for anyone deal with.It makes me think what else Lilly knew.”
“Everything else got buried with her.She only told you guys what she wanted you to know.”
She was the keeper of secrets.That’s what she was. Amongst the letters from Quinn’s real mother I found Lilly’s letter to her.I was compelled to read the other letters but that would have been an invasion of privacy so I didn’t.I had enough to occupy my mind with the knowledge of the truth.
“I guess the only thing I can do to be there for Quinn is help her in whatever ways I can.”
He nods, agreeing. “Help her to heal.”
“How dead do you think I’d be if I poked around to find out why Riley Langford wants his ex-wife followed.”
That son of a bitch. I'm actually not surprised.
“I would say you’d be very dead lieutenant.But that’s not going to stop your ass from getting in trouble is it?”
“No. It’s not.”
“What do you think it’s about?”
“I don’t know. The only reason you’d have someone followed is to keep an eye on them.”
“Exactly. Unless the guy she saw is Billy,” he surmises and I ball my fists when I remember the pictures of Quinn he had in that basement.
Wait until I get my hands on that motherfucker.I’ll wring his damn neck first before I snap it off.
“Even if it was Billy, she mentioned Riley having her followed, and she sounded like she knew he was doing it.It’s two different things. I think Billy was just a sick fuck who got fascinated with her, but this is something else entirely.”
