Page 84 of Sins or Secrets
“Yeah. No wonder I feel like shit most days not knowing what I’m doing.”
“I understand New York now.”
I nod. “It’s freedom. It’s somewhere nobody hurt me.”
“I get it. I’d be the same. I’d want to run far away and start fresh.”
“That’s exactly how I felt when I left L.A. Coming back here though has opened something inside me I thought was dead.It’s something else I just don’t know how to handle.”
“With Logan?” she offers.
“Yeah. I wish I could have found a different way to tell him what happened.Not in my drunken mess.”
“You can’t worry about that now.He knows, and that’s the part you have to work from.”
“I just wish I could have seen him to talk properly.I was a real mess last night.And… what if I don’t see him again?What if he blames me as much as I blame myself for losing our baby.”
“Quinn, I don’t think anybody could blame you for that.You nearly died and your asshole parents were happy things worked out the way they did."
"They were."
The mention of my asshole parents has me thinking of Mom again.I remember when I woke up from the coma she was so happy I was awake because it meant we could sign the contracts for my marriage to Riley, and she could get her summer home in France.I lost my baby, could have nearly died and that woman was happy I didn't die because I was an asset.
"You went through shit Quinn.”
“I did, but I’ll always blame myself for losing the baby."
"You can't."
"I wish I could believe that. Dad wanted me to give the baby up for adoptionbut, I had all these plans with Logan.”
“I remember.”
“I was going to tell him I was pregnant before we left for New York.I rememberbeing worried about how he'd take the news.Then before I knew it I was breaking up with him.”
That was all my fault too. I took several pregnancy tests at home when I should have taken them here at Lilly’s.This house was a safe place. I accidentally left one of my many positive test sticks in the trash.I was scared and shocked so I bought ten different tests.
Dad himself found it and called Lilly over.That’s how the argument started.
“Don’t worry about Logan, Quinn.It looks to me like there are other things to think about, like your real mother.What are you thinking about her?It sounded like Lilly wanted you to find her.”
“You think so?” I don’t. Lilly’s letter was vague.
“Yes. She gave you her name. Sure it was just her first name but it’s a start.You know her name is Heather and she was a former student at the high school that Lilly taught.”
“Bree, that’s so vague. That could be so many people.”
“I know, but at least you have a name.A lead. I guess though the question is, do you want to find her?”
I don’t have to think about that question at all.“I do. I do want to. I just want to know her.”
She gives me a little smile. “Then I think you should find her.It’s worth it.”
“I think I want to.”
“Good. That’s something good. And what about this potential guy Riley has following you?”
“I don't know what to do about it.”
