Page 47 of Sins or Secrets
“The media made us look good didn’t they?”
“They surely did. Is that why the divorce?The cheating? It’s enough.”
“It was one reason,” I answer, remembering the first taste I got of Riley’s cheating heart.It was the first time and the time that counted.We weren’t even married yet.
“I think people assumed it was because of your father.I kind of did. It seemed that way because there wasn’t anything else.”
“I’m happy to allow people to believe what they want.Sometimes things get to a stage where proving the truth doesn’t matter.I don’t care about that. What I care about is never being caged again.”
“Quinn you’re beautiful and you’re such a pure hearted person.I’m sure next time things will work out.”
Next time?
Oh no. There will be no next time for me.I won’t tell her that though because she’s the hopeless romantic who will believe in love until it kills her.
I used to be like that until I got scorched and there was nothing left of me but embers and ash.
If that’s what love does to you I don’t want it, and I’d rather accept being called weak than the pain I suffered over the years and the loss of being with the only man I ever loved.
I don’t really see myself in a relationship again.
I loved Logan so much I didn’t think I could get from one day to the next without him.I used to think we had such a powerful connection that he’d know I needed to be rescued and he’d come for me.
Such a foolish thought when I gave him every reason to believe otherwise.As the years went by with Riley I soon realized the only person I could rely on is me.I had to fight for that.
So as appealing as the house is even if it were completely mine I couldn’t stay here because of the memories.
Because of the memories I have of me and Logan, and the child he never knew about.
The child I dare not think about, because it's my fault she doesn't exist anymore.
I can’t stay here knowing he’s not mine.It’s hard enough to accept it now and set my brain straight.
Even if he were mine, I don’t want to rely on anybody the way I did with him.
I don’t want to trust anybody with my heart.
“Thanks,” I decide to say.
“At least things are coming together.And if you’re at this point then it suggests that you can be peaceable with Logan.”
“Yes, exactly. He was nice yesterday.”
“Logan, nice? Really?” she chuckles.
“Yes he was nice and I think this should all go smooth for the next six months.Once the house is fixed I think I’ll feel more settled and my divorce should be finalized by then.”
“Will you at least date after that,” she gives me a saucy grin.“I know I would the second the paperwork came through, if not before.Technically when you both sign the document it’s done and dusted.” Her humor lightens the tension of the conversation.
“I think it is, but I’ll be good.”
“You’re a better woman than me, Quinn.But it’s good to hear you’ll be dating again.I can help you with that too.”
“I want to. It would be nice to date and do other things.”
“Other things?” She arches a brow.“Please tell me you mean sex. If I were you I’d go on a sex fest the second those papers come in.”
I laugh. “You are so crazy.”
