Page 16 of Sins or Secrets
“Oh right.” She looks disappointed.
This has to be a start though of distancing myself and not falling into bad habits of fucking to forget.
I'm almost certain I would do exactly that tonight because I can't deny that I'm the kind of loser who'sstill worked up over his ex.
Quinn's in town until Monday for the will reading, but what I don’t know is if I’ll see her again.
Do I want to?
Quinn
Enjoy this stunning, cosmopolitan one-bed condo in the heart of Manhattan, within minutes away from Central Park.Only $3000 per month with an upfront deposit of a month.Administrative costs apply.
Sounds great, and looks as gorgeous as described with glossy white furniture, and that less is more sophisticated effect.But I don’t think I can afford it.It would be foolish of me to spend six grand out of the twelve I have on rent when I don’t have a job yet, and no way of getting any income.I have to woman up and make that twelve grand stretch.
Earlier I got an email from the agent I inquired with last week, letting me know the apartment I wanted was just taken off the market, soI’ve spent the day looking for apartments on my laptop.It’s taken me twice as long to find a few potentials because the hotel’s Wi-Fi is shit.My computer screen either stalls for a few minutes, or goes blank with a page unresponsive error message.
The apartment I initially wanted was perfect because it was going to be ready by the middle of next month.So once I got to New York, I’d just need to stay in the motel for two weeks.That apartment was also a lot cheaper at $1200 per month, and the landlord only wanted a week’s deposit.
Forking out six grand for this new one along with other hidden administrative costs is not on the table for me so I’ll have to keep looking.At this point, it seems like I might be staying in that motel longer than I imagined.I just don’t want to be living in a motel while I’m applying for a job.Then again, it’s kind of understandable if my potential employers know I’ve just moved.
Maybe even more understandable as it’s me and everybody will know my reasons for moving.What I’m hoping is that I don’t get turned away because of who I am.Or rather, who I came from.
I’ve only been applying to small dance schools that run classes during the evenings and weekends.I would have loved to apply to some bigger dance schools, but I won’t risk the embarrassment of being rejected because of the whole scandal with my father.
I guess I should give the school in L.A some credit for being honest with me.
They asked me to leave when Dad’s scandal first broke and people realized the allegations were true.I was long gone before he killed Braxton, then himself.I think they would have felt worse to ask me to leave if they’d done it after that part.Or maybe they wouldn’t. I think they were more relieved than anything to see me go.And happy.
Those bitches couldn’t wait to get rid of me.
They were jealous of my dance background and knew Iwas far more qualified than them to teach not just the ballet but also the contemporary classes.
I only worked at that school because they were handpicked byDad, like everything else in mylife.It was the best I could do at the time for someone who was granted smallfreedoms.Every Saturday I got to teach eight beginners to intermediate balletclasses.
That one day a week was myfreedom.
I would have loved to teach the advanced class, but that would have showed up the other teachers so I was heldback.Even so, I valued the teaching opportunity because it was better thannothing.
Realizing I'mnot going to find any apartments tonight that are within my means and in the good part of the city,I shut down the computer and walk over to the barely tolerablebed I was given in this barely tolerable room.
On my first night here, there was a massive spider under the pillow and hair clogging the shower.Gross, but I could hardly expect better for a place like this.
I plant myself on the edge of the bed and sigh, feeling the tension in my shoulders slightly loosen.ThenI switch on the TV and flick through the channels, hoping to find something to take the edge off my worries.Since Jerry Springer always hits the spot, I settle for him.Nothing like listening to other people’s bizarre problems to forget your own.Except I'm not so sure that will work for me,even if tonight's show is about forbidden love, and a man who keeps making his wife pregnant because he likes drinking breast milk.
The funeral yesterday was awful, and still taking its toll on me.
Apart from Logan, no one else spoke to me.As such, I thought it was clear nobody else wanted to, and I dared not look around too much in case I was met with the disgusted glares of people I either left behind,or those judging me for my father's sins.
As soon as Aunt Lilly’s body was committed to the earth, Ileft.
I returned to the cemetery laterin the evening when I could be alone with her.Without the tension. That was when I truly broke down and cried for everything.
Tomorrow I have a few hours to kill before my flight, soI plan to go back to the cemetery after the will reading.
The truth is, I'm still in shock Lilly is dead and the funeral drained me out.
The tension riddling my body isn't there from being hunched over my computer all day scanning through real estate websites.
