Page 149 of Sins or Secrets
“It’s not?”
“No. Sweet girl. You always had dancing and you’re that good you could do anything.Doors will always open for you, because you’re you.Do you know how good you have to be to train at Juilliard much less get an offer to teach there?” She holds my gaze.
“Exceptional,” I reply but I would never use that word in regard to myself.
“Yes, you do and you are. You know it too because when it was time to jump ship you jumped and landed on a firm foundation, because you knew as soon as you danced the world would want you.So this is not about that. When we spoke months ago we weren’t talking about dancing.We were talking about your relationship with Logan.”
“I’ve kept my mind open.”
“I know you have, but you’re still closing your heart Quinn.I’m looking at you and I can see it because I’ve been there.Everything you want is here. So that only leaves you with the question of what you want most.” She takes both my hands into hers and gives them a gentle squeeze.“Quinn, look outside, there’s the dance school you wished for.That’s the career you wanted, so the decision can’t be about that.”
“It’s not, is it?”
“No. And for the love of God, you’re going to be rich in a few weeks.Lilly left you with a home, wealth and your dreams.Don’t tell me you didn’t realize that will of hers even tried to repair the relationship between you and Logan.And it worked. The only thing left for you to do is accept it.Take the gift. Now think about it.We’re at this point. You have that open mind and you’re here sitting with me.What do you want most of all? The answer is what you need to focus on and nothing else matters.”
As I stare back at her I see the truth.
The question wasn’t about freedom, or sacrificing my career, or choosing between going to New York or staying here.
The question was about the first sacrifice I made.It was the thing that broke me. The real question is about sacrificing love.
As I stare back at her, I think of ten years ago, as Dad told me I couldn’t be with Logan.Then proceeded to tell me how my life was going to be.
That moment was what broke me.Being told I couldn’t be with the person I loved.As the years went by, I never wanted to feel love like that again and have it ripped from me.
That’s what shut the door to my heart.
I remember months ago when Logan and I were in the shower, I almost told him I loved him and then it was like something gripped me and I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t push the iron clad door open and tell how I felt.
What do I want most?
Him.
My life with him.
A life I should have had.
I want to love him, and if I do then Heather’s right. Nothing else matters.
“You have the answer don’t you,” she smiles and I nod.
“I do. I do. Oh my God. I… want to be with him.”
“You should tell him that.”
“I will. I am. Thank you.”
“How about I make you some virgin cocktails.We can do some virgin coladas then I’ll put a pie in the oven before I hit the road.”
“Are you sure you can stay? It’s so late.Or why don’t you just stay over.”
“I’d love to stay over but we have a delivery in the morning I have to accept.”
“Thanks so much for coming to see me.”
“It was worth coming. I got to help you and you called me Mom.”
“It just came out.”
